Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 4: Episode 11
Belushis Sketch Cut
[FADE IN on a slide showing a black-and white photo of a grinning thirtyish woman with thick blonde hair and oversized glasses. Next to her is the caption, Emergency starring Megan Marshack. The director can faintly be heard counting down the final seconds.]
Don Pardo: Emergency starring Megan Marshack will not be seen tonight so that we may bring you this special presentation.
[FADE to black over laughter and applause, then FADE IN on Gilda Radner walking out of 8H into the cast locker room. She walks over to the bench and sits down next to Jane Curtin.]
Jane Curtin: How was the meeting?
Gilda Radner: I dont know, Jane, I think theres gonna be trouble. Lorne just cut Johns big piece, the one where he plays Vice-Premier Deng? I mean, Johns been working on that for a real long time, its important to him.
Jane: Well, why was it cut?
Gilda: Well, it seems like the writers just found out that, uh, Deng went back to China. You know, theyre all so busy they didnt get a chance to watch the news or anything and, uh… now Deng isnt even here anymore.
Jane: Well, he left five days ago.
Gilda: I know, and they just found out.
Jane: Well, I just saw John in makeup, and he didnt really seem that upset to me.
Gilda: I know, he looks okay, but I can see that look in his eyes–Im just afraid hes gonna start… throwing things again.
[While Gilda is talking, whistling can be heard off camera, and suddenly John ambles in, wearing a long black suit, his hair combed straight back, and his eyebrows looking oddly short. He takes a drag off a cigarette as Gilda exits fast. Jane nervously stands up and steps to her locker while John exhales smoke and coolly regards her.]
John Belushi: Hey, whats the–
[Jane jerks her head at him.]
John: Whats the matter with Gilda?
Jane: Oh, nothing, she was just afraid you might hit her or something.
John: [scoffs] Well, why would I HIT her?
Jane: Oh, she thought you might be mad because the Deng piece was cut.
John: [with his cigarette in his mouth] The Deng piece? Nahhhh…
[John reaches up above the top of his locker, pulls the entire locker out of the wall, then replaces it and opens the door.]
John: [grunting] That doesnt matter. That doesnt matter, its no big deal, you know? The guy left town. [shrugs off jacket] Those things happen, yknow?
Jane: You know, maybe its just as well, because your Deng imitation is a lot like your Samurai only without the sword. [snickers]
John: [chuckles dryly] What are you saying? [sets jacket in locker] Youre saying that my Samurai, uh, imitation is like my Deng imitation? [closes door] Theyre totally DIFFERENT. TOTALLY different. Japanese is an atonal language, its different. He comes out, uh–the walks are different. Ive been working on Dengs walk for three days now, I mean, I know how he walks. The Japanese walk, its a smaller walk, its like…
[He takes mincing little steps and speaks Samurai gibberish.]
John: You know? Uh, uh, Chinese, its, its more musical, its…
[He does gibberish in a nasal tone with longer, drawn-out sounds.]
John: And he takes big steps, you know, big steps. [takes longer steps] Theyre TOTALLY different. Its altogether different…
Jane: You dont have to get upset about it, John–
John: Im NOT angry, Jane. Nope. [adjusts collar suavely] I have nothing to be angry about. [pauses] Life is good. Im in a hit movie… Ive got a number one album on the charts… and Im on the best show on, on television. SO WHAT if a part is cut now and then? Thats nothing to be upset about, really.
Jane: John, thats quite a change for you!
John: Well… I just realized… [turns to side] Nothing is worth losing your head about, yknow? Not one thing is that important, because Ive got a lotta eggs in the basket. If this show should end… Id have other stuff to do… not like YOU. [laughter] What would you do, youd go back to Boston in some improv group, you know–Ah, give me a suggestion of a location, an occupation, an emotion–hey, thats great entertainment, Jane. You see… youve got no choice. I could have stayed in Hollywood, done another movie. I couldve done a LOT of things! [calmly] But no. [laughter] I came back because I wanted to. And thats the difference between us, Jane. Im here not because I have to be… because I want to be. Its the new me. Better get used to it.
Jane: John, thats great. A whole new John Belushi, thanks to a little success and a lot of heroin.
[As Jane turns to leave, John wheels around and punches her locker door, where her face had been a second earlier. He slams the door shut and sprawls clumsily against it for a moment, then turns back to the camera.]
John: Live, from New York, its Saturday Night!
[John tilts his head wryly at the lens. FADE to opening montage.]
Submitted by: Sean