Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 4: Episode 12
Dick Lanky on WGN Radio
Dick Lanky…Bill Murray
Woman Caller #1/Eastern Operator…Jane Curtin
Todd Sweeney…Dan Aykroyd
Woman Caller #2/Phone Operator…Gilda Radner
Man Caller #1…Garrett Morris
Promotions Operator…Laraine Newman
Man Caller #2/Lobster Deliverer…John Belushi
[Fade in on “ON AIR” light in the WGN radio studio as Gerry Rafferty’s “Baker Street” plays in the background. Music fades as the camera pans over to Dick Lanky, on the phone with a caller]
Dick Lanky: All right, we’re back on. Can you say th–Hey, folks at home, grab a pencil. Could you say that again for the folks at home?
Woman Caller #1: The number to call if you wanna pledge to donate blood to the Taggert twins is 555-8679.
Dick Lanky: [writing the number down] All right, that’s great. Let’s see if we can get that blood pledged by nine o’clock. Come on, WGN is gonna help. You know, there’s always a blood shortage when we get this kinda cold weather, so let’s help out.
Woman Caller #1: Oh, and Dick, if we meet this goal, not only will we save a child’s life, but I’ll send you two live Maine lobsters from Allgauer’s Restaurant so you can eat them when you want.
Dick Lanky: Well, thanks a lot! Thanks very much. [Hangs up] Okay, those twins need some blood and I need some lobsters. Come on, Chicago, let’s hear from ya. And before that, we heard, uh, Gerry Rafferty and his “Baker Street.” You know, I always wondered what the heck he meant by Baker Street, where is it, what is it? Somebody give me a phone call if you know the story on Baker Street, huh? 555-2150. And now we’re gonna have a weather update, I hope, from Todd Sweeney. [Todd Sweeney enters] And, uh Todd, move in here. Tell us what kinda day it is today.
Todd Sweeney: [Taking a seat next to Dick] Well, thank you, Dick. Clearing to partly sunny today, winds steady to the northeast at 15 miles an hour, picking up to 35 miles an hour this afternoon. The barometer is 28.90 and falling pretty quickly now. The chance of precipitation is near zero this morning, 20 percent this afternoon and 20 percent tonight. Temperatures will be 10 to 12 degrees below normal for this time of year and, ah, we can look for more o’ that in the next few days. Now back to more music with Dick Lanky.
Dick Lanky: Thank you, Todd. What’s the temperature right now?
Todd Sweeney: Ah, uhh [looking through his papers] Uh, didn’t I–didn’t I read it now? [Dick shakes his head] I guess–guess we didn’t get it yet. [Todd shrugs] We, I’ve been out, so I don’t know what’s going on.
Dick Lanky: All right out there, gimme the temperature, come on if you know out there, gimme a phone call! [Todd exits] We gotta know, we’ll let everyone else know. [Answers phone] All right, Breakfast with Lanky, hello?
Woman Caller #2: Hey, Dick, it’s 28 degrees right now.
Dick Lanky: Ah, thank you, 28 degrees, everybody…
Woman Caller #2: Yeah, and I was wondering, my husband and I flew on Eastern Airlines recently from Atlanta to Chicago, and our pilot looked exactly like Frank Borman. I’d like to know if he actually flies any of those planes.
Dick Lanky: Well, I’m sure he’s qualified if he can fly to the moon, for heaven’s sake. But let’s find out, okay. We’ll do that this morning [Hangs up] Anybody, who knows the number for Eastern Airlines’ home office, come on. [Answers phone] Let’s call up Frank Borman this morning, all right? Hello?
Man Caller #1: Yes, I saw in the news in New York this morning about this kid who needs pregnant mothers’ milk to stay alive.
Dick Lanky: Yes.
Man Caller #1: I have some, and I’d like to know how to send it.
Dick Lanky: [Picks up index card with information] You know, we’ve been getting a lotta calls about that. He’s a little boy named Joey Sullivan in Runston, New Jersey, and we hope he gets well soon. You can call area code 201-555-5327 to give him a hand. We’re all pullin’ for ya, and you know that. Thanks a lot, appreciate it. [Answers another line] Hello?
Man Caller #2: Hey, Dick, the number for Eastern’s home office.
Dick Lanky: Yeah.
Man Caller #2: 311-555-4915. It’s in Miami.
Dick Lanky: Oh, Miami, thanks a lot, I appreciate it. Thanks a lot. [Dials the operator] Hey.
Phone Operator: Operator.
Dick Lanky: Yeah, yeah Operator, Dick Lanky at WGN Radio. Hey, we gotta call Eastern Airlines in Miami. We’re talkin’ to Frank Borman this morning, hopefully. It’s 311-555-4915, please. … Rock Hudson is 61 today. Audrey Hepburn is 50, I don’t believe it, I’d do it in a minute. How about you?
Eastern Operator: Eastern Airlines.
Dick Lanky: Yeah, Dick Lanky, WGN in Chicago. I’m on the air. I’d like to talk to Frank Borman.
Eastern Operator: Hold on. I’ll connect you to Promotion. [sound of phone ringing]
Dick Lanky: Say, if you need a free chest X-ray, the mobile unit’s gonna be at Oak Park Monday and Tuesday. So get out there and check it out.
Promotion Receptionist: Mr. Hidey’s office, Eastern Promotion.
Dick Lanky: Ah, Dick Lanky, WGN Chicago calling.
Promotion Receptionist: What is this in regard to?
Dick Lanky: I wanna talk to Frank Borman to see if he flew a plane from Atlanta to Chicago last week. [laughs]
Promotion Receptionist: Ah, I wouldn’t know that. I don’t think anyone here in the Promotion department would know.
Dick Lanky: Well, where is Frank? Where is Frank?
Promotion Receptionist: Mr. Borman is in Montreal right now.
Dick Lanky: Where is he staying, do you know?
Promotion Receptionist: I’m afraid I can’t release that information.
Dick Lanky: Well, we’re on the air right now, ah. Okay, I’ll try someone else. Thank you. [Hangs up] Hey, who out there knows Frank Borman’s number in Montreal? Gimme a phone call, will ya? [Lobster deliverer enters] You know, the largest lake in the world is the Caspian Sea. [Deliverer sets a yellow bag on the counter and takes out two lobsters] Uh oh, I think we musta–oh! I wish you could see what’s happening here. We musta met our goal on the blood donations for the Taggert twins because the lobsters from Allgauer’s just arrived. Are these flown in live from Maine every day?
Lobster Deliverer: No. “Live from New York, its Saturday Night!”
Submitted by: JTR115