Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 4: Episode 13
Fred Silverman III
Fred Silverman…..John Belushi
[HOLD on Silverman and Garrett standing side by side just offstage and nodding at Andy Kaufman passing by them.]
Garrett: [shakes head] Like, I, I, I, I dont know, Mr. Silverman. Super Limo? Like, like, whats it about, uhhhh…
Freddy: Well, were pretty happy with it, Garrett, uh… [rubs his hands together] Super Limo. Its a, its a BIG limousine, so big it takes up two sides of the highway.
Garrett: Oh, well, I, I, I dont know, man…
Freddy: Youre the DRIVER. Every week, you drive three celebrities around Hollywood. And they entertain you because they LOVE you!
Garrett: What kind of celebrities?
Freddy: Whos ever HOT. One week it might be Steve Lawrence, Don Meredith, Charles Nelson Reilly… Another week it could be Arte Johnson, Ruth Buzzi, JoAnne Worley… you know? A THEME show.
Garrett: Uh, yeah, let me, I, I, Ill think it over.
Freddy: [puts a hand around Garretts neck] Really, Garrett. [quietly] This is a HOT idea.
Freddy: [puts hand over his heart] I give you my word as a television executive.
Garrett: [clasps Freddys hand] Well, uh, thank you, Mr. Silverman, thank you. Ive got to be going. [walks past him]
Freddy: Ill call you.
Garrett: [off camera] Yeah, Ill check you out, man.
[Freddy straightens his suit for a second, and then Kate Jackson appears to his left.]
Kate: Hey, Freddy.
Freddy: Kate, hows it going?
Kate: Well, you know, its not going too bad.
Freddy: Did you talk to Laraine about the, uh, Mrs. Kojak?
Kate: Yeah, wont shave her head.
Freddy: [frustrated] Yeah, well, Gilda will do it.
Kate: Uh, Freddy, I think Id better level with you. Um… I like these people, Im having a lot of fun working with them, and uh… well, you know, theyre like people you can admire, and theyre dedicated to an ideal of artistic freedom, and when I see the way they work, and the sacrifices they make, well, I feel ashamed, you know? They dont have big houses with swimming pools and tennis courts, and they dont have fancy apartments, and big, big limos, and cooks.
Freddy: Not even John Belushi?
Kate: Oh, JOHN does.
[laughter and applause]
Kate: If you could see the dedication of the others! I mean, you know, Freddy, they do this for NOTHING, cause they wanna make America laugh!
Freddy: [scoffing] Mm-hmm.
Kate: Really, now, after spending this time with them, I just… well, I dont think I can betray them, I really dont, and, uh… [works up her courage] And furthermore, Freddy, I cant go back to Charlies Angels, I cant go back to prime time, Ive got to do something NEW, and something BOLD, and–
[Freddy slaps her across the face.]
Freddy: [points at her] Dont you EVER say that about prime time again!
Kate: Thank you, Freddy, you know… [puts a hand around his neck] You know, for a minute, I really lost control there, didnt I! [She lingers a moment and then turns to go.]
[She stops in mid-motion.]
Freddy: [staring into space] Wait a minute.
Freddy: [passionately] Maybe Im wrong. Maybe IM the one… who lost his head. [presses a fist against his mouth] Something you said got me thinking. You said something about artistic freedom. Perhaps thats important. Perhaps theres a, a place in commercial television for QUALITY, for, for intelligently conceived, well acted, INVENTIVE programming! Programs that arent written for the lowest common denominator! [clenches fist] And NBC could lead the WAY! NBC could be the NETWORK that puts these programs on the air!
[They stare at each other for a moment.]
Freddy and Kate: [in unison] Naaaaaaaaah.
[The band starts to play as the audience applauds and the two talk inaudibly. FADE to black.]
Submitted by: Sean