SNL Transcripts: Margot Kidder: 03/17/79: Margo Kidder’s Monologue


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 4: Episode 15

78o: Margot Kidder / The Chieftains

Margo Kidder’s Monologue

…..Margot Kidder
…..Gilda Radner
Audience Member…..Jim Downey
…..Dave Wilson
…..Pete Fatovich
…..Lorne Michaels
Interviewer…..Tom Schiller
Medical Squad #1…..Tom Davis
Medical Squad #1…..Brian Doyle-Murray

Margot Kidder: Hi! [ audience cheers loudly ] Thank you! Thank you! Wow! Happy St. Patrick’s Day! [ audience goes crazy with applause ] Boy, thanks! It’s, uh.. it’s.. really a double treat for me to be here tonight, hosting “Saturday Night Live” because, uh.. it’s St. Patrick’s Day, and, uh.. y-y-you, uh.. New Yorkers are right out of your minds, I gotta tell ya! [ audience applauds themselves for being out of their minds ] I mean, this city was one big party today! It actually made the Mardi Gras look like a wake! I mean, the parade was terrific, everybody’s drunk in all the bars..

[ the camera angle begins to droop to the floor, unbeknownst to Kidder, as only her feet are visible ]

Margot Kidder: ..But I-I sort of.. I guess it’s the luck of the Irish, uh.. I feel proud to be Irish..

[ the feet of Gilda Radner’s steps up to Margot Kidder’s feet ]

Gilda Radner: Margo..

Margot Kidder: Hi! Gilda, what are you doing here? Are we on the air?

Gilda Radner: Uh.. yeah.. well, we’re sorta half on the air..

Margot Kidder: Well, what do you mean half on..?

Gilda Radner: Wait, just come down here.. look for a second..

[ both women lean on the knees on the floor, and stare perplexed at the camera ]

Margot Kidder: Ohhh.. oh, I see what you mean. Gilda, what’s going on?

Gilda Radner: Oh, nothing! It’s no problem at all! It’s just this time of year, you know? St. Patrick’s Day. Most of the.. most of the crew’s Irish, and, uh..

Margot Kidder: Ohhhhh..

Gilda Radner: Look, there’s nothing to worry about.. We can- Just follow me, okay? We’ll go away to the control booth and see.

Margot Kidder: Okay, okay..

Gilda Radner: It’s nothing to worry about at all – technically. It’s live TV! It’s spontaneous! Things happen all the time!

[ an audience member rises from his seat, stopping Gilda and Margot in their tracks ]

Audience Member: Eh-excuse me, Miss kidder?

Gilda Radner: Wait, you shouldn’t be bothering her..

Margot Kidder: No, it’s okay.. it’s okay.

Audience Member: Yeah, I-I saw you in “Superman”, and I thought you were just great.

Margot Kidder: Oh, thank you!

Audience Member: I have this bet with a friend – is it true you only use 10% of your brain?

Margot Kidder: Uh.. y-yes.. I guess that’s true..

Gilda Radner: Could you please sit down! The audience is not supposed to ask questions of the host! [ Gilda pushes the audience member back to his seat, as she and Margot continue their walk to the control room ] You know, last week we had a horse, and he kepy walking around.. but we have the best director – Dave Wilson – and he can handle anything! There’s nothing to wory about!

Margot Kidder: Do these technical problems happen all the time?

Gilda Radner: Oh, sure! All the time! Didn’t you see “Hello, Larry” on NBC?

[ in the control room at last, they find the control drunk off their asses, singing and chanting merrily with glasses raised high ]

Gilda Radner: Excuse me! Excuse me! [ notices director Dave Wilson collapsing to the floor, as assistant director Pete Fatovich tries to lift him back into his seat ] Oh, no! Oh, no! Pete! Pete! Peeeeete!

Pete Fatovich: Whaaat??!

Gilda Radner: When did- When did-

Pete Fatovich: It’s alright, it’s gonna be alright..

Gilda Radner: When did Dave-

Pete Fatovich: Last week! About halfway through the Gary Busey show!

Gilda Radner: Oh, no..

Pete Fatovich: Don’t worry! Don’t worry! It’s gonna be alright.

Gilda Radner: Margo, this is Dave Wilson..

Dave Wilson: [ groggily ] Right here, hello!

Margot Kidder: Where’s Lorne?

Gilda Radner: Lorne?

Margot Kidder: Lorne.. Lorne told me if I had a problem, I could go right to him.

Gilda Radner: Well, he’s doing an interview now, I don’t know if we could- [ looks to the back and notices Lorne at hisi nterview ] Wait! Back there! Come here, come here.. [ leads Margot to the back room ] [ camera pans over to a glass wall, where Lorne Michaels can be seen conducting an interview in an interior office ]

Lorne Michaels: Politics is always a possibility.. I mean, let’s face it, being a producer is like being a senator-

[ Gilda and Margot enter the office to interrupt Lorne ]

Margo Kidder: Lorne? Um..

Lorne Michaels: Yeah? Sorry.

Gilda Radner: Um.. Lorne? Did you see Davey? Did you see Davey?

Lorne Michaels: Yeah, it’s alright – the medical squad is on its way down. They’ve already-

Gilda Radner: Oh! So there’s nothing to worry about!

Lorne Michaels: There’s really nothing to worry about. They’ll be here in a minute or two – it happens every day..

Gilda Radner: It’s okay, Margot.. come on, we’ll go back.

[ Gilda and Margo leave the office, as the camera pans back to the out-of-control control area, a medical squad already on the scene to revive Dave Wilson ]

Gilda Radner: Oh, look.. is he gonna be alright?

Medical Squad #1: He’ll be alright.. he’ll be alright.. Every year it’s like this, every year..

Gilda Radner: Okay, okay..

Medical Squad #1: David Brinkley passed out on Segment Three!

Gilda Radner: Yeah, okay. Everything’s going to be alright, Margo.

Margo Kidder: He looks real efficient.

Gilda Radner: Oh, he’s the best director in the world! [ to the medical squad ] Pour some water on him! [ the medical squad splashes water on Dave’s face ] Good!

Dave Wilson: [ groggy, but coming back into his own ] “Live! From New York..!”

Gilda Radner: No, Dave! No! Dave! Dave, this is-

Pete Fatovich: We did that already!

Medical Squad #1: Sit him up! Sit him up! Come on! Come on!

Gilda Radner: No, no! Davey! Davey, listen to me! This is Margo Kidder! She’s hosting this week’s show! [ to Margo ] It’s Dave Wilson, our director.

Dave Wilson: Jean..? How are ya..? Nice to meet you..?

Margo Kidder: Margo! Margo!

Dave Wilson: Mar-go..

Margo Kidder: Yeah!

Dave Wilson: I’ll tell you what – take her out there, let’s start again from the top..

Gilda Radner: Alright! come on, Margo, come on.. yeah, we’re going.

[ Gilda and Margo hurry out of the control room ]

Dave Wilson: Stand by!

Pete Fatovich: Roll the tape, Dave?

Dave Wilson: Run it!

Pete Fatovich: Yeah, alright.. Three! Two! O-one..

[ dissolve to fake commercial for The Navy Adventure ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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