SNL Transcripts: Milton Berle: 04/14/79: Texaco Star Theatre


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 4: Episode 17

78q: Milton Berle / Ornette Coleman

Texaco Star Theatre

… Bill Murray
… John Belushi
… Dan Aykroyd
… Garrett Morris

[In honor of host Milton Berle, SNL recreates theopening to his early TV series “Texaco Star Theatre”in glorious black-and-white: Wailing siren. Clangingbell. Theme music. Fade in on a proscenium arch with acurtain reading: TEXACO STAR THEATRE. The curtainrises to reveal a second curtain reading: StarringMILTON BERLE. This curtain rises to reveal the fourmale cast members lined up on a stage, marching inplace, dressed as 1950s-era service station employees(complete with caps and bow ties), singing:]

Oh, we’re the men of Texaco
We work from Maine to Mexico
There’s nothing like this Texaco of ours
Our show tonight is powerful
We’ll wow you with an hour full
Of howls from a showerful of stars
We’re the merry Texaco men
Tonight we may be showmen
Tomorrow we’ll be servicing your cars

Bill Murray: [with rag and hub cap]I wipe the pump
I pump the gas
I rub the hub
I scrub the glass

John Belushi: [with gas nozzle]I touch the clutch
I mop the top
I poke the choke
I sell the pop

Dan Aykroyd: [with a large wrench]I clear the gear
I block the knock
I jack the back
I set the clock

Garrett Morris:
I slash the top
I pick the lock
I take your car
Around the block
I drive it fast
I smoke some grass
If you don’t like it
Kiss my–

Sky Chief! Fill up with Sky Chief!
And you will smile at the pile of new miles you willadd
Fire Chief! Fill up with Fire Chief!
You’ll find that Texaco’s the finest brand your carhas ever had

[Music ends. Drum roll.]

Bill Murray: And now, ladies and gentlemen…

All: Live from New York, it’s SaturdayNight!

Submitted Anonymously

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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