SNL Transcripts: Michael Palin: 05/12/79: Tom Snyder’s Mother


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 4: Episode 18

78r: Michael Palin / James Taylor

Tom Snyder’s Mother

Tom Snyder…..Dan Aykroyd
Ma Snyder…..Jane Curtin

[ open on Tom Snyder seated at cozy restaurant table with his mother ]

Tom Snyder: Mom, I would just like to say that this is sort of a double occasion tonight. ‘Cause I’m taking you out for Mother’s Day, and we’re also celebrating the return of the “Tomorrow” show to Gotham!

Ma Snyder: [ speaking in a drawl that matches Tom ] Well, by golly, I’m happy to be here, too, Tommy! But let me say this to you, bearing in mind that a mother of years, as well as being her son’s biggest fan, also his harshest critic — you look like HELL!

Tom Snyder: Well, don’t bring me down, Mom!

Ma Snyder: I brought you up, why shouldn’t I being you down? [ a beat, then she titls her head back and guffaws ] If you’ll just hear me out, son, you’ll find amusing humor will illustrate a point. The fact is, Tom: You’re doing the “Tomorrow” show, you’ve just taken on a new show called “Prime Time”, and there’s talk about you anchoring the news. So, my question, then, to you, son, is: Why the HECK don’t you slow down before you burn yourself out?!

Tom Snyder: Oh, alright, alright, fair enough! You’re my mother, you want to know what makes Tommy run: Work is my life! TV is my home! I enjoy talking to strangers, asking inane questions, and rambling incoherently in front of millions of viewers at one o’clock in the morning!

Ma Snyder: Alright, Tom, fair enough! But it’s a mother’s prerogative to be concerned for her son!

Tom Snyder: Mom, you’ve ALWAYS been my best gal — it was DAD I had the problem with. I was always afraid he knew how I felt about ya’ and was jealous. My God, I’d like to have a nickel for every night I’d lay in my bed awake for fear he’d come in and SNIP the darn thing off! [ he lets out a guffaw ]

Ma Snyder: I wish I had a nickel for every time I stopped him!

Tom Snyder: Well, thank you, Mom, and I’m glad you did. To show my appreciation for being the wonderful mom that you are, I’d like to give you this mother’s Day gift. [ he hands her a small box ]

Ma Snyder: Thank you, Tommy. [ she shakes the box close to her ear ] What is it?

Tom Snyder: I’ll give ya a hint: It’s kinda free, it’s kinda wow!

Ma Snyder: [ thinking ] Charlie?

Tom Snyder: Charlie! Ha!

Ma Snyder: Oh, Tommy, you shouldn’t have.

Tom Snyder: Well, Mom, I did it because I’m fond of you, I respect ya’, I admire ya’, I, I — well — [ he sips his wine and chokes ] What the HECK, Mom: I LOVE YA’, Mom! There! I said it, I meant it! Happy Mother’s Day!

[ Tom kisses his mother, as they both make pouty lips ]

Ma Snyder: Thanks, Tommy.

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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