Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 4: Episode 18
Tom Snyder’s Mother
Tom Snyder…..Dan Aykroyd
Ma Snyder…..Jane Curtin
[ open on Tom Snyder seated at cozy restaurant table with his mother ]
Tom Snyder: Mom, I would just like to say that this is sort of a double occasion tonight. ‘Cause I’m taking you out for Mother’s Day, and we’re also celebrating the return of the “Tomorrow” show to Gotham!
Ma Snyder: [ speaking in a drawl that matches Tom ] Well, by golly, I’m happy to be here, too, Tommy! But let me say this to you, bearing in mind that a mother of years, as well as being her son’s biggest fan, also his harshest critic — you look like HELL!
Tom Snyder: Well, don’t bring me down, Mom!
Ma Snyder: I brought you up, why shouldn’t I being you down? [ a beat, then she titls her head back and guffaws ] If you’ll just hear me out, son, you’ll find amusing humor will illustrate a point. The fact is, Tom: You’re doing the “Tomorrow” show, you’ve just taken on a new show called “Prime Time”, and there’s talk about you anchoring the news. So, my question, then, to you, son, is: Why the HECK don’t you slow down before you burn yourself out?!
Tom Snyder: Oh, alright, alright, fair enough! You’re my mother, you want to know what makes Tommy run: Work is my life! TV is my home! I enjoy talking to strangers, asking inane questions, and rambling incoherently in front of millions of viewers at one o’clock in the morning!
Ma Snyder: Alright, Tom, fair enough! But it’s a mother’s prerogative to be concerned for her son!
Tom Snyder: Mom, you’ve ALWAYS been my best gal — it was DAD I had the problem with. I was always afraid he knew how I felt about ya’ and was jealous. My God, I’d like to have a nickel for every night I’d lay in my bed awake for fear he’d come in and SNIP the darn thing off! [ he lets out a guffaw ]
Ma Snyder: I wish I had a nickel for every time I stopped him!
Tom Snyder: Well, thank you, Mom, and I’m glad you did. To show my appreciation for being the wonderful mom that you are, I’d like to give you this mother’s Day gift. [ he hands her a small box ]
Ma Snyder: Thank you, Tommy. [ she shakes the box close to her ear ] What is it?
Tom Snyder: I’ll give ya a hint: It’s kinda free, it’s kinda wow!
Ma Snyder: [ thinking ] Charlie?
Tom Snyder: Charlie! Ha!
Ma Snyder: Oh, Tommy, you shouldn’t have.
Tom Snyder: Well, Mom, I did it because I’m fond of you, I respect ya’, I admire ya’, I, I — well — [ he sips his wine and chokes ] What the HECK, Mom: I LOVE YA’, Mom! There! I said it, I meant it! Happy Mother’s Day![ Tom kisses his mother, as they both make pouty lips ]
Ma Snyder: Thanks, Tommy.[ fade ]