SNL Transcripts: Buck Henry: 05/26/79: Not For Transsexuals Only



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 4: Episode 20




78t: Buck Henry / Bette Midler

Not For Transsexuals Only

Joan Face … Jane Curtin
Lynn Hagstrom … Laraine Newman
Chris Randolph … Buck Henry

[GRAPHIC: NOT FOR TRANSSEXUALS ONLY – MUSIC: “BothSides Now”: “I’ve looked at life from both sides now /From give and take / And still somehow …” – Dissolve to talk show set and host Joan Face.]

Joan Face: Good evening and welcome to “Not ForTranssexuals Only” — I’m Joan Face. Our guests todayare both recent transsexuals. First, Chris Randolph,one of thousands of men who have opted for womanhood.[bespectacled guy in a wig, blouse and pantsuit withlegs crossed] And Mr. Lynn Hagstrom, one of the fewwomen ever to become a man. [mustachioed woman wearingnecktie, legs spread apart] Lynn, yours was anextremely unusual operation. Can you tell us aboutit?

Lynn Hagstrom: Uh, yeah, Joan. It wasn’t easy.I had to wait a year and a half until they found amale donor with the same color hair.

Joan Face: And, uh, for our donors’information, ah, that – that – uh – or for ourviewers’ information, that donor was, ah, Ms.Randolph. Lynn, what’s it like suddenly beingmale?

Lynn Hagstrom: Well, it’s, uh, it’s quite anadjustment, I’d say. In my case, a bigadjustment.

Chris Randolph: Thank you.

Joan Face: Chris, do you feel that you gavemore to Lynn than – than he gave you?

Chris Randolph: Well, well, I did but I wasglad to give it to someone who wanted it and who wouldtake good care of it. I hate the idea of somethinglike that going to waste.

Lynn Hagstrom: Yeah, and I – I did take Chrisout for dinner.

Chris Randolph: In my case, a big dinner.[giggles girlishly]

Joan Face: Then we can conclude that you twosee each other socially.

Lynn Hagstrom: Oh, sure, but we’re just goodfriends.

Chris Randolph: We’ve decided not to getemotionally involved because when I’m around Lynn Ifeel sort of – detached.

Joan Face: Lynn, what was the first change thatyou noticed after the operation?

Lynn Hagstrom: Well, you know I get paid morefor doing the same job?

Joan Face: Well, uh, have – have either of youhad any second thoughts about switchinggenders?

Chris Randolph: Not at all. I love this year’sclothes. The colors are so gutsy.

Joan Face: And how ’bout you, Lynn? Anyregrets?

Lynn Hagstrom: Well, I think I miss gettingtaken out to dinner and having my cigarettes lit forme and – being slapped around a little.

Joan Face: Chris, what are your plans for thefuture?

Chris Randolph: Well, I guess I’m just anold-fashioned girl, Joan. I’m looking for Mr.Right.

Joan Face: And Lynn?

Lynn Hagstrom: Well, Joan, I’d like to, uh,pork as many broads as possible and … then settledown with the one who really loves me.

Chris Randolph: Say, Joan, I’ve alwayswondered. Why are you the host of “Not ForTranssexuals Only”?

Joan Face: Well, I used to be Edd “Kookie”Byrnes. That’s it for this week. This is Joan Facesaying: join us again next week on “Not ForTranssexuals Only” when our guests will be CarolChanning and Wayne Newton.

[Applause. MUSIC: “Both Sides Now” – Joan shakesChris’ hand as we slowly zoom in on sign at back ofset that reads: NOT FOR TRANSSEXUALS ONLY. Dissolve tobumper photo of Buck Henry inprofile.]

Submitted Anonymously

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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