SNL Transcripts: Steve Martin: 10/13/79


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 5: Episode 1

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

October 13th, 1979

Steve Martin


Don Novello

Buck Henry

Tom Gammill

Al Franken

Tom Davis

Harry Shearer

Peter Aykroyd

Jim Downey

Andy Murphy

Tom Schiller

Paul Shaffer

Harry Shearer

Max Pross
The Pope at MonsterdomeSummary: Pope John Paul II’s (Steve Martin) doorman (Garrett Morris) turns clergy away during his visit to the Monsterdome.

Recurring Characters: Jerry Aldini, Pope John Paul II.



Steve Martin’s MonologueSummary: Steve Martin dances along to “Stompin’ At The Savoy” while encompassed by strobe lights.


Craig’s Traveler’s ChecksSummary: You can enjoy a worry-free vacation even if you lose Craig’s (Jim Downey) Traveler’s Checks, because he never leaves his apartment.


Spanish TutorSummary: A Spanish tutor’s (Steve Martin) eagerness to give free lessons on a door-to-door basis turns out to be a ploy to use a couple’s (Bill Murray, Gilda Radner) bathroom.

The VandalsSummary: A Centurion (Steve Martin) confronts a juvenile delinquent Vandal (Al Franken) caught in the act by his guards.


Blondie performs “Dreaming”

RiseSummary: Steve Martin demonstrates how he avoids bathroom germs by hovering above the toilet.


Weekend Update with Jane Curtin & Bill MurraySummary: Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello) shows off his Pope merchandise and announces his Find the Popes in the Pizza contest.

Recurring Characters: Father Guido Sarducci.


Great Moments In Rock HistorySummary: Carole King (Laraine Newman) sings “You’ve Got a Friend”, while her own friend Henry (Steve Martin) is mugged in front of her apartment.

Recurring Characters: Don Kirschner.


The David Susskind ShowSummary: Witnesses discuss Hamilton Jordan’s cocaine use.

Recurring Characters: David Susskind, Audrey Peart Dickman.

Blondie performs “The Hardest Part”

The Bolshoi BalletSummary: Russian security keeps a vigilant eye on the Bolshai Ballet Company’s performance to make sure none of the dancers defects during the production.

The All New Mr. Bill ShowSummary: In an attempt to host an all-new show without Mr. Hands, Mr. Bill redecorates with a disco ball and shows filmed footage of his disastrous summer on the beach.


What The Hell Is That?Summary: A pair of wandering tourists (Steve Martin, Bill Murray) gaze toward the studio audience and wonder what it is they’re looking at.



SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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