SNL Transcripts: Steve Martin: 10/13/79: Craig’s Traveler’s Checks

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 5: Episode 1

79a: Steve Martin / Blondie

Craig’s Traveler’s Checks

Craig…..Jim Downey

[ open on Bellboy walking disappointedly to a pair of travellers ]

Bellboy: I’m sorry. I look everywhere. I can’t find them.

Female Traveller: Great. We’ve lost our traveller’s checks.

Hotel Clerk: Well, why don’t we call the American Express?

Male Traveller: But they weren’t American Express.

Hotel Clerk: Oh, that’s too bad. Most people carry American Express. I’m sorry.

Female Traveller: They were Craig’s Traveller’s Checks.

Hotel Clerk: Oh, Craig’s! Well, why didn’t you say so! Forget about it, no problem!

[ dissolve to Craig, sitting alone in his apartment ]

Craig: Hi. I’m Craig. I’m cheaper and more reliable than American Express, because I never leave my apartment. You can call me 24 hours a day. [ answers phone ] Hello?

Voice on Phone: Collect call from the Embassy looking for Craig.

Announcer: Craig. He’s always there when you need him.

[ sound of Criag taking a shower in the background ]

Craig’s Answering Machine: Hi. This is Craig. I’m in the shower right now. At the sound of the beep, please leave your name and the country you’re in.

[ beep ]

[ graphic: “Craig’s – he never never leaves his apartment” ] [ fade ]

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