SNL Transcripts: Steve Martin: 10/13/79: Craig’s Traveler’s Checks

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 5: Episode 1







79a: Steve Martin / Blondie

Craig’s Traveler’s Checks

Craig…..Jim Downey

[ open on Bellboy walking disappointedly to a pair of travellers ]

Bellboy: I’m sorry. I look everywhere. I can’t find them.

Female Traveller: Great. We’ve lost our traveller’s checks.

Hotel Clerk: Well, why don’t we call the American Express?

Male Traveller: But they weren’t American Express.

Hotel Clerk: Oh, that’s too bad. Most people carry American Express. I’m sorry.

Female Traveller: They were Craig’s Traveller’s Checks.

Hotel Clerk: Oh, Craig’s! Well, why didn’t you say so! Forget about it, no problem!

[ dissolve to Craig, sitting alone in his apartment ]

Craig: Hi. I’m Craig. I’m cheaper and more reliable than American Express, because I never leave my apartment. You can call me 24 hours a day. [ answers phone ] Hello?

Voice on Phone: Collect call from the Embassy looking for Craig.

Announcer: Craig. He’s always there when you need him.

[ sound of Criag taking a shower in the background ]

Craig’s Answering Machine: Hi. This is Craig. I’m in the shower right now. At the sound of the beep, please leave your name and the country you’re in.

[ beep ]

[ graphic: “Craig’s – he never never leaves his apartment” ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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