Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 5: Episode 1
Craig’s Traveler’s Checks
[ open on Bellboy walking disappointedly to a pair of travellers ]
Bellboy: I’m sorry. I look everywhere. I can’t find them.
Female Traveller: Great. We’ve lost our traveller’s checks.
Hotel Clerk: Well, why don’t we call the American Express?
Male Traveller: But they weren’t American Express.
Hotel Clerk: Oh, that’s too bad. Most people carry American Express. I’m sorry.
Female Traveller: They were Craig’s Traveller’s Checks.
Hotel Clerk: Oh, Craig’s! Well, why didn’t you say so! Forget about it, no problem![ dissolve to Craig, sitting alone in his apartment ]
Craig: Hi. I’m Craig. I’m cheaper and more reliable than American Express, because I never leave my apartment. You can call me 24 hours a day. [ answers phone ] Hello?
Voice on Phone: Collect call from the Embassy looking for Craig.
Announcer: Craig. He’s always there when you need him.[ sound of Criag taking a shower in the background ]
Craig’s Answering Machine: Hi. This is Craig. I’m in the shower right now. At the sound of the beep, please leave your name and the country you’re in.[ beep ] [ graphic: “Craig’s – he never never leaves his apartment” ] [ fade ]