Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 5: Episode 1
Steve Martin’s Monologue
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Steve Martin!
Steve Martin: Thank you.. thank you very much! Although I have just released a new comedy album, I’m kinda getting out of the comedy thing.. And I feel a lot of you people are wondering what.. Steve.. is into now. Well.. I’m kinda getting into the high-fashion deal. I’ve always enjoyed the fashion magazines, like Bazaar and Vogue.. and now they have the fashion magazines for men. And that’s kinda what I want to get into – I want to be a male model. Because they always get to stand like.. this. [ strikes a series of his male model poses ]
[ suddenly, with no announcement, the SNL house band breaks into “Stompin’ At The Savoy” ]
What’s going on here? Hold it! Wait a minute – cut it! What’s with the music! I can’t believe this! We came in two weeks early for rehearsal, and you get this! This is the kind of thing that irritates me! I’m out here doing my male modeling bit – my best bit – and you get something like this! What’s the deal, Howard?! I can’t believe this! [ upset ] Okay! Okay! I can wait! I can wait!
[ despite his protest, Steve suddenly begins to dance along to the music, the audience cheering favorably at Steve’s dance moves. Strobe lights suddenly appear, giving the illusion of Steve in motion even though he stands perfectly still, compensating only by making a shadowy dog-face of his hand move its mouth open and close via Steve’s pinky finger ]
[ Steve makes a giant leap in the air onto his feet, as the full house lights go back up ]
Steve Martin: Thank you! We’ll be right back with “Saturday Night” – special guest Blondie!