Eric Idle’s Monologue
[ Eric Idle is carried in on a stretcher by two hospital interns ]
Eric Idle: [ coughing ] Good evening. [ coughs ] M-my doctor.. said I can go on as long as I’m not funny. [ light laughter from the audience ] Lorne said the show wasn’t funny anyway, so I might as well go on. [ audience laughs ] So.. we’d like to kick off here with a new breakthrough in comedy. We’d like to do some medical impersonations – in particular, some stretcher impersonations.
First of all, the racing driver Sterling Moss. Thank you. [ interns hold Idle’s stretcher straight, as he motions his hands as though driving a race car ] Thank you very much.
And now, Number Two: Superman! [ interns turn the stretcher on one side, as Idle extends his arms outward to simulate flying ] Thank you!
And now, Number Three: Esther Williams! [ interns flip stretcher upside-down, Idle moves his arms to simulate underwater swimming ]
Number Four: Jack LaLanne. [ Idle drops his arms to the floor, as front intern drops and raises the top half of stretcher to simulate Idle doing push-ups ]
I want a more complicated one this time.. [ interns balance the stretcher upright, leaning at an angle as Idle holds his arms flat against his sides ] The Leaning Tower of Pisa! Thank you!
Admiral Nelson! [ interns tilt the stretcher forward at a slight angle, as Idle arranges his hands as though peering through a telescope ] Thank you![ interns straighten the stretcher on its side, as Idle ties a black bandana around his eyes ] Gary Gilmore! [ interns spin the stretcher in a circle, as Idle claps his hands up and down ] A lighthouse! Thank you!
And finally, a tribute to the Marine Corps. Iwo Jima! [ military music plays, as the interns get on the same side to lean the stretcher forward, with Idle waving a tiny American flag ]
We’ll be right back! Thank you!