Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 5: Episode 3
November 3rd, 1979
Kennedy In ’80Summary: Ted Kennedy (Bill Murray) is running late for his presidential announcement because he panicked on the drive over and jumped out of the family car to swim across Boston Harbor.
Recurring Characters: Ted Kennedy, Rose Kennedy.
MontageNote: Don Pardo introduces SNL’s newest performer by saying, “And a little of Harry Shearer.”
Bill Russell’s MonologueSummary: Non-comedian Bill Russell promise this will be the funniest comedy show he’s ever hosted.
BansheeSummary: Ed Herlihy pitches the electronic device that records your grief for use at funerals so you can tend to more personal matters.
The Black ShadowSummary: The basketball team at John Davidson High School is determined to help Coach Lewis (Bill Russell) fight his inner demons and go all the way to the State championship.
The Landers FilesSummary: Ann Landers (Jane Curtin) answers a letter from a widow (Gilda Radner) with a series of calamities following her husband’s death.
Recurring Characters: Ann Landers.
Chicago performs “I’m a Man”
Weekend Update with Jane Curtin & Bill MurraySummary: Laraine Newman reports from the scene of a Korean Surprise dinner party. Bill Murray sings “Happy Birthday” to Thomas Edison’s light bulb.
Nick BorealisSummary: Nick Borealis (Bill Murray) entertains the Black troops stationed in Greenland, with a little help from the Swankettes (Laraine Newman, Jane Curtin, Gilda Radner).
Recurring Characters: Nick the Lounge Singer, Shelley.
The Continuing Correspondence of Eleanor RooseveltSummary: Elenour Roosevelt (Jane Curtin) mistakes letters from creditors for steamy lesbian love letters.
Recurring Characters: Eleanor Roosevelt, Franklin Roosevelt.
The Mr. Bill ShowSummary: In a film by Walter Williams, “Mr. Bill Stays Home” yet calamity still befalls him.
Sports HotlineSummary: Bill Russell is vexed that radio host Eddie McVey’s (Bill Murray) listeners are unfamilar with basketball and are more interested in obscure sports he’s never heard of.
People Losing Money For PeopleRecurring Characters: Joe Garagiola.
Chicago performs “Street Player”
Barry White’s Big & Tall That’s AllRecurring Characters: Jenny Rocker, Ron.