Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 5: Episode 4
November 10th, 1979
Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
Buck’s StorySummary: While demonstrators protest Buck Henry’s latest hosting gig, Bill Murray offers a heroic war story that explains why Buck is such a frequent host.
Buck Henry’s MonologueSummary: Buck Henry doesn’t grasp the audience’s ire towards his constant hosting and endless diatribes.
Harley’s Bristol CremeSummary: Sue (Gilda Radner) desperately seeks a companion to share a glass of Harley’s Bristol Creme.
Recurring Characters: Honker.
The Mystery Of Toad IslandSummary: Tom Brundidge (Buck Henry) travels to the mysterious Toad Island to uncover his roots, but finds only inbred, toad-like humans who can’t give him a straight answer.
The NerdsSummary: Todd (Bill Murray) and Lisa (Gilda Radner) try to play matchmaker for their parents (Jane Curtin, Buck Henry).
Recurring Characters: Lisa Loopner, Todd DiLaMuca, Mrs. Loopner, Marshall DiLaMuca.
Tom Petty & The Heartbreakersperforms “Refugee”
Weekend Update with Jane Curtin & Bill MurraySummary: Jack Van Arks (Al Franken) speaks on behalf of the chemical industry. Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello) announces the winner of the Find the Popes in the Pizza contest.
Recurring Characters: Father Guido Sarducci.
Bad ClamsSummary: Morning show hosts (Garrett Morris, Yvonne Hudson) torment Lucille Ball (Gilda Radner) by feeding her bad clams.
Recurring Characters: Lucille Ball.
How To Talk To Your GrandparentsSummary: Kids (Al Franken, Laraine Newman) employ lessons from instruction record in order to score money off of their grandparents (Gilda Radner, Buck Henry).
Schiller’s ReelSummary: “Life After Death”.
Note: Repeat from 77f.
Speci-PakSummary: Couple (Gilda Radner, Buck Henry) learn how to preserve their severed body parts for safe delivery to the hospital.
Love ContractSummary: Hampton Jitney (Bill Murray) and Muffy Barber (Laraine Newman) consider marriage, but first their lawyers (Harry Shearer, Buck Henry) collaborate on a contract and go over the fine print.
Tom Petty & THe Heartbreakers performs “Don’t Do Me Like That”
Toilet RushSummary: Daddy (Buck Henry) rushes his wife (Jane Curtin) and daughter (Gilda Radner) home through hit-and-run encounters so that he can use his own toilet.
GoodnightsSummary: The cast chases a rambling Buck Henry out of Studio 8-H.