Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 5: Episode 4
Buck Henry’s Monologue
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Buck Henry![ Buck Henry enters Home Base, which is surrounded by guards in pith helmets ]
Buck Henry: Thank you! Thank you, thank you all very much! You should SEE them down there! I mean, it’s just incredible! As always, it’s a GREAT pleasure to host my favorite show — “Saturday Night Live”. And, you know, I’m often asked why I like hosting this show so much. I mean, after all, this is, I think, my TWELFTH time… and the answer to that question isn’t easy. One: It’s because I LOVE the people here —
Voice in the Audience: YOU STINK!!
Buck Henry: Exactly! It’s just — it’s like a family! It’s like a wonderful family, every time I come here. Uh — it’s just — I just feel —
Voice in the Audience: YOU’RE THE WORST!!
Buck Henry: [ nodding ] They yell at me, they try to touch me, it’s just — it’s a wonderful thing! In fact, I’ve become so recognizable from this show, that I’ve grown this beard… [ he rubs his beard ] to attempt a certain anonymity so that, uh, you know, so that people everywhere can —[ a protestor rushes the stage, as the guards swarm on him ]
Protestor: LISTEN, YOU UNTALENTED… YOU STINK!![ the guards drag the protestor out of the studio ]
Buck Henry: No, not autographs now! Autographs later! It’s okay. I don’t know, I — I enjoy my life without the incessant disturbance of an audience, and it’s not that —
Voice in the Audience: GET OFF!!
Buck Henry: It’s not that I’m ungrateful — thank you, mind you. It’s just that this show has actually made a career for me. Everyone who is associated with this show, as you know, has achieved a kind of, uh, stardom. And, uh, in all modesty, I have to say I can’t go out in public any more without causing a commotion. I — I can almost, as I’m sure you can, feel the love from that crowd —[ cut to the crowd of protestors outside the studio, now starting to burn Buck in effigy ]
Buck Henry V/O: Feel them trying to get near me, trying to touch me, trying to get, uh, I don’t know, I suppose to share, in some sense, the feeling that I am someplace they want to be.[ return to Home Base ]
Buck Henry: And if by touching me and experiencing what I’m experiencing, they join me in this kind of — they’re CRAZY about me! They don’t leave me alone for a second. And I want to thank you all for sharing in that same feeling, and we’ll be RIGHT back!