SNL Transcripts: Buck Henry: 11/10/79: Buck Henry’s Monologue


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 5: Episode 4

79d: Buck Henry / Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers

Buck Henry’s Monologue

…..Buck Henry

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Buck Henry!

[ Buck Henry enters Home Base, which is surrounded by guards in pith helmets ]

Buck Henry: Thank you! Thank you, thank you all very much! You should SEE them down there! I mean, it’s just incredible! As always, it’s a GREAT pleasure to host my favorite show — “Saturday Night Live”. And, you know, I’m often asked why I like hosting this show so much. I mean, after all, this is, I think, my TWELFTH time… and the answer to that question isn’t easy. One: It’s because I LOVE the people here —

Voice in the Audience: YOU STINK!!

Buck Henry: Exactly! It’s just — it’s like a family! It’s like a wonderful family, every time I come here. Uh — it’s just — I just feel —

Voice in the Audience: YOU’RE THE WORST!!

Buck Henry: [ nodding ] They yell at me, they try to touch me, it’s just — it’s a wonderful thing! In fact, I’ve become so recognizable from this show, that I’ve grown this beard… [ he rubs his beard ] to attempt a certain anonymity so that, uh, you know, so that people everywhere can —

[ a protestor rushes the stage, as the guards swarm on him ]


[ the guards drag the protestor out of the studio ]

Buck Henry: No, not autographs now! Autographs later! It’s okay. I don’t know, I — I enjoy my life without the incessant disturbance of an audience, and it’s not that —

Voice in the Audience: GET OFF!!

Buck Henry: It’s not that I’m ungrateful — thank you, mind you. It’s just that this show has actually made a career for me. Everyone who is associated with this show, as you know, has achieved a kind of, uh, stardom. And, uh, in all modesty, I have to say I can’t go out in public any more without causing a commotion. I — I can almost, as I’m sure you can, feel the love from that crowd —

[ cut to the crowd of protestors outside the studio, now starting to burn Buck in effigy ]

Buck Henry V/O: Feel them trying to get near me, trying to touch me, trying to get, uh, I don’t know, I suppose to share, in some sense, the feeling that I am someplace they want to be.

[ return to Home Base ]

Buck Henry: And if by touching me and experiencing what I’m experiencing, they join me in this kind of — they’re CRAZY about me! They don’t leave me alone for a second. And I want to thank you all for sharing in that same feeling, and we’ll be RIGHT back!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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