SNL Transcripts: Bea Arthur: 11/17/79


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 5: Episode 5

This free script provided by]]>

Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


November 17th, 1979

Bea Arthur

The Roches


Andy Kaufman
Reagan’s Nap ScheduleSummary: Ronald Reagan’s advisor (Harry Shearer) runs down his schedule as (Laraine Newman) removes his make-up.



Bea Arthur’s MonologueSummary: Bea Arthur gets pianist Paul Shaffer’s heart racing with a rendition of “Let Me Love You”.


Spud BeerSummary: The beer of choice among boat people with no place to go.

First He CriesSummary: When Irene (Gilda Radner) loses a breast due to cancer, the aftermath is hardest on her husband Larry (Bill Murray).


Drop OutSummary: When Tommy (Tom Davis) declares he doesn’t feel like going to school, his dad (Bill Murray) decides to show him and stays home from work, thus setting off a chain reaction that results in the Soviets taking over America.


The Roches perform “Bobby’s Song”

Weekend Update with Jane Curtin & Bill MurraySummary: Science editor Dr. Al Franken experiments with cruel and unusual ways to kill cockroaches.


Aunt Judy’s BasementSummary: During Thanksgiving dinner at Aunt Judy’s (Bea Arthur), adult siblings and cousins (Jane Curtin, Laraine Newman, Bill Murray, Paul Shaffer) continue to be relegated to the kiddie table in the basement and act in an appropriately childish manner.


Woman To WomanSummary: Ultra-feminist Connie Carson (Gilda Radner) tries to discredit her elderly guest (Bea Arthur) for having raised perfect children while still managing a satisfactory in-home career.

Recurring Characters: Connie Carson.


SaveCoSummary: Tom Clay (Harry Shearer) recalled government products being offered for a fraction of the original costs.

Recurring Characters: Tom Clay.


Backer’s AuditionSummary: Musicians Teddy Naddler (Harry Shearer) and Andrew Mazelle (Paul Shaffer) sell a group of backers on the idea of financing a Broadway rock-musical about Charles Manson.


Mr. Bill Builds A HouseSummary: In a film by Walter Williams, Mr. Bill encounters construction mishaps at the hands of Mr. Hands and Sluggo the insurance agent.


Los Beatolos CubanosSummary: Latin band (Pater Aykroyd, Garrett Morris, Tom Schiller, Paul Shaffer) performs their own version of Beatles hits.

Andy Kaufman PreviewSummary: Andy Kaufman announces his challenge to have a woman wrestle him on SNL’s Christmas show.


The Roches performs “Hallelujah Chorus”


SNL Transcripts

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 0 / 5. Vote count: 0

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x