Reagan’s Nap Schedule
Aide…..Harry Shearer
Make-Up Artist…..Laraine Newman
[ Governor Ronald Reagan and his Campaign Aide step into Reagan’s dressing room ]
Aide: Congratulations, Governor, great speech! I think you really came across as a leader.
Make-Up Artist: [ seating Reagan down ] Oh, yes, Mr. Reagan, you just sit down right here, and I’ll get that make-up off you in just a jiffy!
Aide: Governor, we’ve got a car waiting for you outside to take you back to the hotel, where you may take a well-deserved rest before dinner. I’ve got your dentures right here.. [ taps his breast pocket ] ..we’ll have them cleaned and left in your room.
Make-Up Artist: [ rubbing Reagan’s make-up off his face ] Oh, listen.. we watched that speech in the control room, it was really great.. and you looked great!
Aide: Governor, I, uh.. I want to go over tomorrow’s itinerary. It’s going to be kind of a long day.. I want you up at 10:30 for the 11:30 flight to New Hampshire – don’t worry, you can sleep on the plane. 1 o’clock, there’s a working lunch on China. You’ll be briefed by William Lowe and Bob Hope. Uh.. just some cottage cheese and rice pudding.. Now, after lunch, nap ’til 3:00. 3:15, meeting with Milton Friedman, Alan Greenspan, Jack Kemp and Terry Bradshaw on Inflation and Football. And I promise I’ll have you back at the hotel no later than 3:45 for that nap. 5:00.. I thought you might want to know they’re showing Part 1 of “Ocean’s Eleven” on the early movie.. [ Reagan mumbles inaudibly ] ..uh, yeah.. Danny Ocean tries to rob a casino in Vegas, the whole Rat Pack’s in it.. uh.. Frank, Dean, Sammy, Joey..
Make-Up Artist: Uh, listen, Mr. Reagan, you ever get to watch your own movies? Because, like, I once saw one that was called “King’s Row”, and.. did you really get your legs cut off in that? Or, like, were you sitting on them.. did you have special pants, or something..?
Aide: Uh, excuse me, Governor.. the movie’s over at 6:30.. you have a nap ’til 8:00. Then, at 8:30, we have cocktails in the Edmund Burke room at the hotel.. that’s the Reactionary Democrats for Reagan.. followed by a very short nap, then 9:15 for dinner.. [ Reagan mumbles ] No, no! Don’t worry, don’t worry.. it’s cream of tomato soup, boneless chicken breast, boiled, wth mashed potatoes.. and for dessert, your choice: jello or applesauce. For ten minutes, at 10 o’clock, you speak.. you’ll be back in your room by 10:30 – since it’s so late, I’d skip the nap and go straight to bed. Now, I gotta go check the car. Great speech! [ runs out of the dressing room ]
Make-Up Artist: Mr. Reagan, can I ask you a question? [ Reagan nods ] You were once president of the Screen Actors Guild, wern’t you? ‘Cause, like, I was wondering, you know.. I make-up a lot of actors, and stuff.. and I really think I do a better job than they do.. Is there anything you an, like, say to get into the guild? [ Reagan mumbles inaudibly ] Huh? [ Reagan mumbles again, slowly so that the show’s opening can be made out ] Oh! Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!
