SNL Transcripts: Martin Sheen: 12/22/79


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 5: Episode 7

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

December 15th, 1979

Martin Sheen

David Bowie



Brian Doyle-Murray

Tom Schiller
Sex ChangeSummary: Patient (Bill Murray) undergoes a quickie cheap sex-change operation that merely places him in women’s clothing.



Martin Sheen’s MonologueSummary: Martin Sheen doesn’t consider himself nuch of a comedy performer, but agreed to give it a try on tonight’s show if he could make a formal request of donations of toys for needy prostitutes this Christmas season.


Le ShoeSummary: The world’s ugliest pair of designer shoes holds mass fashion appeal because it hails from France.

Dark ShadowsSummary: Little girl (Gilda Radner) thinks she sees mysterious objects in her darkened room after her dad (Martin Sheen) reads a scary bedtime story.


Teacher’s StrikeSummary: At an emergency meeting of the Teachers Union Strike Committee, Mr. Peskin (Martin Sheen) and fellow striking teachers weigh the pros and cons of the school board’s latest final offer.

David Bowie performs “The Man Who Sold The World”

Weekend Update with Jane Curtin & Bill MurraySummary: Bill Murray’s annual Oscar picks includes slams at “The Jerk” and “1941” and high praise for “Meatballs”. Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello) announces that he’s the new spoesman for the Mr. Tea teamaking machine.

Recurring Characters: Father Guido Sarducci.


Apocalypse NowSummary: United Artists executive (Harry Shearer) sends Josh Caine (Martin Sheen) to the Phillippines to halt Francis Ford Coppola’s (Bill Murray) overbudget production of “Apocalypse Now”.

Recurring Characters: Marlon Brando.


David Bowie performs “TVC-15”

“First Love”Summary: In a film by Aviva Slesin, Bill Murray revisits Fannie, the dog he once loved.

ForevereadySummary: Foreveready is no ordinary battery, and tough guy spokesman Robert Conrad (Martin Sheen) and his dad (Brian Doyle-Murray) are willing to take a barroom bully’s (Bill Murray) pummeling and taunting to prove that misbegotten claim.

MurderSummary: After committing the perfect crime, kidnappers (Martin Sheen, Garrett Morris) try to maintain sole knowledge by killing their hostage (Jane Curtin) and all accidental witnesses who stumble into their hideout before they can make their escape.

Minota AM3Summary: The Minota AM3 camera takes great photos and brings people like Bruce (Martin Sheen) and Christy Jenner (Laraine Newman) together, even in the face of their impending divorce.

Recurring Characters: Bruce Jenner.

Revisions Of Freudian TheorySummary: Al Franken interviews Dr. Thomas J. Davis on the supposed nasal stage of Freudian study.


Martin Sheen HairspraySummary: Actress Jane Curtin uses Martin Sheen’s saliva as her take-charge hairspray of choice.

David Bowie performs “Boys Keep Swinging”


SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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