Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 5: Episode 7
Revisions Of Freudian Theory
Al Franken: Welcome to “Revisions of Freudian Theory”. I’m your host, al Franken. Our guest tonight is Dr. Thomas J. Davis, and Dr. Davis has formulated a new fifth stage of personality development, in addition to the four of Freud’s that we’re all famliar with: the Oral, the Anal. the phallic, and the Genital. Uh — first, Dr. Davis, welcome to our show. Tell us — what is this new fifth stage?
Dr. Thomas J. Davis: [ in a nasally voice ] It’s the Nasal stage, Al. The child enters the Nasal stage at about Age 6, right after the Anal stage, at a time when a child is undergoing traumatic handkerchief training. And, uh, a person who becomes fixated at the Nasal stage will maintain nasal qualities throughout his life, unless, of course, he receives some kind of therapy.
Al Franken: I see. Well, uh, Doctor, what are some of these Nasal traits?
Dr. Thomas J. Davis: Well, he may be a snotty, stuck up, picky, youth. The ort of person — yes. These are nasal-retentive traits.
Al Franken: I see. So, uh, a nasal-retentive person might be called a… a tight-nose, is that right?
Dr. Thomas J. Davis: Exactly! You might say he has a stick up his nose, yes.
Al Franken: Uh-huh. I see. And, uh, what would the nasal-expulsive personality be like?
Dr. Thomas J. Davis: Uh — a nasal-expulsive person is often overly inquisitive, or nosy, and frequently alienates himself by blowing it in his relationships with other people. This can be very serious…
Al Franken: Well, wait a minute! Wait a minute! A nasal-expulsive person blows it ewith other people? Is that what you’re saying?
Dr. Thomas J. Davis: Well, that’s the terminology. We prefer the layman to, uh…
Al Franken: Well, thank you, Doctor. I think we’ve heard just about as much about the Nasal stage as we want to hear!
Dr. Thomas J. Davis: Well, then —
Al Franken: Thank you. Be sure to tune in tomorrow when our guest will be Dr. Sonya Kuntmuller, who will discuss her theory of Penis Shame. Now, Dr. Kuntmuller said that Freud’s theory of, uh, Penis Envy is wrong… that women do not envy men’s penises, rather that men are ashamed of their penises — or, or his penis — and, uh, that therefore men like to hide their penises in dark places over and over again.
Dr. Thomas J. Davis: Well, that’s the most RIDICULOUS theory that I’ve ever heard, in all my years —
Al Franken: Well, I don’t think you’re in any position to call a theory serious.
Dr. Thomas J. Davis: Well, you’re asking for a punch in the nose, fella!
Al Franken: Thank you, good night!
Dr. Thomas J. Davis: You know that? You’re really asking for it![ dissolve to title card ] [ fade ]