“Mr. Bill Gets Help”

“Mr. Bill Gets Help”

[ SUPER: “Skid Row 1980” ] [ pan across dingy part of town; camera pauses when it finds derelict Mr. Bill and pet dog Spot sitting among trash ] [ Spot barks pathetically ]

Mr. Bill: Aw, come on, Spot. you know I can’t afford to buy you any more dog food.

[ Spot barks when he spies Mr. Bill’s bottle of rye ]

Mr. Bill: Stop.. now, I told you that’s my medicine! Now, Spot, why don’t you just run along and find yourself another best friend!

[ Miss Sally appears ]

Miss Sally: Oh, there you are, Mr. Bill. I’ve been looking all over for you. You haven’t been to work, and no one knows where you are..

Mr. Bill: Well, now you know where I am, Miss Sally, so you can go now – I’ll see you later!

Miss Sally: Oh no, Mr. Bill. I’m gonna stay. I think you need professional help.

Mr. Bill: You mean, a psychiatrist? [ thinks ] You know, you’re right, Miss Sally. I’m too young to give up on myself yet. So, kids, I hope you’re ready to have fun today, because we’re all gonna go see a psychiatrist! Yay-ay-ay!

Miss Sally: [ holding card that reads: “Dr. I.M. Hanz” ] They say he’s very good.

[ dissolve to interior, Psychiatrist’s Office; psychiatrist is shown as a pair of hands sticking out over a desk ]

Mr. Bill: [ laying on the couch ] Uh.. so, you see, Doctor, I’ve been a little down lately, and it’s just not like me.. so I’ve decided that I need some help.

Dr. I.M. Hanz: This sounds very serious to me. We’ll have to go all the way back to the beginning.

Mr. Bill: But I can’t remember that far!

Dr. I.M. Hanz: Then I’m afraid I’ll have to hypnotize you.

Mr. Bill: Oh, uh.. are you sure that’s safe, Doctor?

Dr. I.M. Hanz: Of course, it is. Now just relax, and concentrate on the watch.

[ watch swings back and forth, as Mr. Bill drifts into his past ]

Dr. I.M. Hanz: Your eyes are getting heavy.. I want you to go back in your memory as far as you can.

[ dissolve to stork delivering Mr. Bill to his parents; town sign reads: “Sluggoville, We Hate The Bills” ]

Mr. Bill: Oh.. it’s a stork.. and he’s bringing me to my new home – in Sluggoville. Oh, no! Gee, my mom and dad were out picnicking that day, and all of a sudden.. oh!!

[ stork drops Mr. Bill onto the rooftop, where he rolls down and crashes onto the picnic table, causing Mr. Bill’s dad’s head to fall off ]

Dr. I.M. Hanz: Hmm.. maybe the answer lies in your dreams. Do you ever have nightmares?

[ dissolve to footage of Mr. Bill laying on a raft in a sink, as Mr. Hands pulls the plug causing Mr. Bill to to be sucked under ]

Mr. Bill: I always have this dream where I’m out at sea.. oh wait, it’s a sink! And I’m going down, and I can’t stop!

[ image of Mr. Bill spins out of control amongst visions of multiple Mr. Hands ] [ Devil Sluggo holds a pitchfork as Mr. Bill lands in the bowels of Hell – right onto the spikes of Sluggo’s pitchfork ]

Mr. Bill: Ohhh!!!

Dr. I.M. Hanz: You obviously feel humiliated by these so-called hands. My diagnosis is that you suffer from severe paranoia.

Mr. Bill: [ not buying it ] Oh, no! Those hands are real! And, you know something? you look mighty familiar! I want a second opinion, Doc!

[ Mr. Hands places Dr. Sluggo next to Mr. Bill on the couch ]

Dr. I.M. Hanz: Well, my associate, Dr. Sluggo, also says that you are crazy! And you’ll need.. a lobotomy.

[ Mr. Hands holds a pair of plastic scissors to Mr. Bill’s scalp, as the scene quickly fades ]

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