SNL Transcripts: Chevy Chase: 02/09/80: Chevy Chase’s Monologue


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 5: Episode 10

79j: Chevy Chase / Marianne Faithfull

Chevy Chase’s Monologue

…..Chevy Chase
…..Bill Murray

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Chevy Chase!

Chevy Chase: Ah… Thank you! Good night.

[ Chevy mocks an exit then turns back. ]

Chevy Chase: You know, it’s really great to be back on “Saturday Night”. This is where it all began. You know, over the years since I left, a lot of people have asked whether I’ve had any regrets about leaving. And… uh… there are — I left a briefcase here. I know it’s probably sure gone… that I’m for sure.

But really… uh… it’s been a chance for me to loosen up a bit and work with one of the few talented men I know. You know, the last time I was here —

[ An audience member’s loud laughter catches Chevy’s attention. ]

Chevy Chase: No, really!

[ The whole audience laughs. ]

Chevy Chase: Last time I was here, there were some rumors about a couple of us not getting along too well. And that kind of stuff, well, it makes headlines. In fact, I’d love nothing better than to bat around a couple of songs back and forth with this man. He’s kind of a friend and what do you say? Let’s do it! We’re going to be a little loose. Is Billy around? Billy? Billy Murray here? Billy?

[ Bill, dressed as Pre-Chew Charlie for the next sketch, hops onto Home Base. Chevy sets two stools side-by-side. ]

Bill Murray: I gotta do this next bit. I’m all prepared for it.

Chevy Chase: I’m sorry.

Bill Murray: [laughing] We haven’t rehearsed anything.

[Both sit down on the stools. ]

Bill Murray: Well, the thing about us is we both love music.

Chevy Chase: That we do.

Bill Murray: What the hell!? Let’s both do the songs we love.

Chevy Chase: I’m with that. Like what?

Bill Murray: [singing]“We’ve been alive forever.”

Chevy Chase: [singing]“We wrote the very first song together.”

Bill Murray: [singing]“We wrote the words and melody together.”

Both: [singing]“We are Music.
We are Song.”

Bill Murray: [laughing] We haven’t rehearsed!

Both: [singing]“We write the songs that make the whole world sing.
We write the songs of love and special things.
We write the songs that make the young girls cry.
We write the songs. (We write the songs)”

Bill Murray: How ’bout something from way back?

Both: [singing]“We are they
And they are us
And you are us
And we are all together.”

Bill Murray: [singing]“Crabalocker Fishwife”

Chevy Chase: [singing]“Pornographic Priestess”

Both: [singing]“Man, you should have seen us
kicking Edgar Allan Poe.”

Chevy Chase: [singing]“He is the Egg Man.”

Bill Murray: [singing]“No way, buddy, he is the Egg Man.”

Both: [singing]“We are the Walruses!”

Chevy Chase: We’ve had our disputes over the years and I could’ve sworn he was the Egg Man! But what’s the difference? As long as every one of you out there, and now here, understand that…

Both: [singing]“We shot the Sheriff,
But we did not shoot no Deputy!

Chevy Chase: No we did not.

Bill Murray: Uh-uh.

Chevy Chase: Uh-uh, you’re right.

Both: [singing]“We shot the Sheriff,
But we did not shoot no Deputy!

[ Both men get up and embrace. ]

Chevy Chase: What a man, what a man!

Bill Murray: I got a bit to rehearse.

Chevy Chase: Go ahead and get ready. Go ahead and get ready. Go ahead. Go ahead.

[ Bill exits. ]

Chevy Chase: Uh… Totally unrehearsed. Totally unrehearsed. Are there any questions? No? Okay. We’ll be right back then.

Submitted by: Cody Downs

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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