Rodney Dangerfield’s Monologue


Rodney Dangerfield’s Monologue

…..Rodney Dangerfield


Rodney Dangerfield: I’ll tell ta, I’m alright now but last week I was in rough shape, ya know? I mean, last week I looked up my family tree – I found out I’m the sap! I’ll tell ya, I can’t relax, you know?

Like the other night, I was in a place and I felt like having a few drinks.. I went over to the bartender, I said, “Surprise me!” He showed me a naked picture of my wife!

Yesterday was a beauty, too – yesterday. I asked a cabdriver: “Where could I get some action?” He took me to my house!

Yeah, I’ll ya, nothin’ goes right, you know? My sex life is nothin’ – my wife put me down for once a month.. put me down for once a month! Oh, I’m lucky – two guys I know, she cut out completely!

I’ll tell ya’, my wife never went for me, I’m not a sexy guy – I know I’m not sexy! What, this morning when I put on my underwear, I could hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling! Are you kidding, I know I’m ugly – I stuck my head out the window, got arrested for mooning! I was an ugly kid, too – I had plenty of pimples. One day I fell asleep in the library, I woke up, a blind man was reading my face!

I’ll tell ya’, I went through plenty! Why, the first time I hitchhiked, I got beat up – I used the wrong finger! Well, that’s the story of my life – no respect! I don’t get no respect at all!

We’ll be right, back, okay!

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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