Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 5: Episode 13
[ open on cartoon financial figure drawings ]
Spokesman V/O: The stock market rises and falls. Savings account interest doesn’t even keep up with inflation. And stamps take YEARS to collect.
[ dissolve to Spokesman seated in leather chair in his office ]
Spokesman: Now… for the person who is wise enough to recognize the world’s finest investment — and secure enough not to have to apologize for it — the South African Gold Board introduces a distinguished new gold coin: the Niggerrand. This 1-ounce, 99.9% fine gold coin commemorates the labor of those who made it possible…
[ dissolve to close-up illustration of the coin ]
Spokesman V/O: With this beautifully-etched portrait of an actual African minesman. On the reverse: a beautifully-etched map of the areas where, by law, these workers are allowed to live.
[ dissolve back to Spokesman ]
Spokesman: You’ll want to treasure your Niggerrands for years to come. Or you’ll want to buy and sell them, just like the people they honor… do! For that perfect person on your gift list, the Niggerand is an especially perfect way of expressing your feelings of caring. Because it’s the gift that keeps on grinning! Tomorrow is the perfect time to begin YOUR investment program.
[ dissolve to the coin ]
Spokesman V/O: Why not visit your selected bank or brokerage house, and put your future in Niggerrands! Because even the colorblind can see gold!
[ fade ]