SNL Transcripts: Burt Reynolds: 04/12/80: Burt Reynolds’ Monologue


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 5: Episode 16

79p: Burt Reynolds / Anne Murray

Burt Reynolds’ Monologue

…..Burt Reynolds

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Burt Reynolds!

[ Cheers and applause from audience. ]

Burt Reynolds: Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! Thank you! I know! I have to live with it every day. I like this week. I, uh, had a great time working with these people. The cast, the crew… As I was hanging out backstage, there’s no temperament, no hostility, no open nasal passages…

[ Big laughter from audience. ]

Burt Reynolds: Uh, no open nasal passages. I know sometimes when you see a movie star, you know, up close, it’s a little shattering. Because they’re bigger than life, and you see them on screen — it’s all big. Their head’s big, shoulders big, it’s all big, you know? And here? I’m a small person, see? So, maybe, I figured I just come down here and talk to some of you all. You know what I mean?

[ Burt steps on the home base platform and takes a seat on it. He points his finger to the front audience. ]

Burt Reynolds: Come here. Yeah, come here…

Henry (V/O): Hi.

Burt Reynolds: Hi. Sit down.

[HENRY, a young male audience member, takes a seat next to Burt. ]

Burt Reynolds: What’s your name?

Henry: Henry.

Burt Reynolds: Henry?

[ Burt rolls up his sleeves. ]

Henry: Go Gators.

Burt Reynolds: Go Gators?

Henry: Go Gators!

Burt Reynolds: Henry, I didn’t bring you up here to do any of that kind of crap.

[ Burt places his hand on Henry’s shoulder. ]

Burt Reynolds: We’re just going to do a little bit, okay? Who’s, uh, who’s your favorite movie star?

[ Henry takes a moment. ]

Henry: Uh… Burt Reynolds.

[ Burt stares at Henry for a moment then kisses him on the cheek. ]

Burt Reynolds: You know it’s funny? When I was looking over there at you Henry, you know, you didn’t have a real intelligent look about you. You now got brains coming out at you. You know what I mean?

[ Henry nods and grins. ]

Burt Reynolds: You know, let’s stop talking about me and talk about my movies. Okay? Which one you like the best?

Henry: Um… I didn’t see too many of them. Uh…

Burt Reynolds: Let me see if I can help you out. Cars? Cars jumping over…

Henry: Fences?

Burt Reynolds: Fences! And over bridges…

Henry: “They Turn Styles”?

Burt Reynolds: Henry, you’re sick! I’ll give you the first part of the picture — “Smokey and the…”

Henry: Cowboy?

Burt Reynolds: Smokey means something else to you, doesn’t it, Henry?

[ Henry nods and grins. ]

Burt Reynolds: “Deliverance”. Did you see “Deliverance”?

Henry: The dueling banjos? Yeah! That scene was great. It was good.

Burt Reynolds: The banjos? You know, I was in the picture? I was in there with the dueling banjos. Are you married, Henry?

Henry: No.

Burt Reynolds: Fool around?

Henry: I can’t say that on TV.

Burt Reynolds: You can. You can say it. Say “fooling around” on television.

Henry: Fooling around — yes!

Burt Reynolds: You fool around? A lot?

Henry: No, I can’t really do it that much.

Burt Reynolds: Yeah? That’s why your face is so clean.

[ Burt strokes Henry’s left cheek. ]

Burt Reynolds: We’re going, uh, go on now — do the rest of the show — but I’m going keep talking to you because I like you. I got into show business when I first saw Elizabeth Taylor…

[ The camera zooms out as the audience applauds. Burt chats with Henry for a few moments; they shake hands, hug, and Henry returns to his seat. ]


Submitted by: Cody Downs

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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