Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 5: Episode 16
Burt Reynolds’ Monologue
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Burt Reynolds!
[ Cheers and applause from audience. ]
Burt Reynolds: Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! Thank you! I know! I have to live with it every day. I like this week. I, uh, had a great time working with these people. The cast, the crew As I was hanging out backstage, theres no temperament, no hostility, no open nasal passages
[ Big laughter from audience. ]
Burt Reynolds: Uh, no open nasal passages. I know sometimes when you see a movie star, you know, up close, its a little shattering. Because theyre bigger than life, and you see them on screen — its all big. Their heads big, shoulders big, its all big, you know? And here? Im a small person, see? So, maybe, I figured I just come down here and talk to some of you all. You know what I mean?
[ Burt steps on the home base platform and takes a seat on it. He points his finger to the front audience. ]
Burt Reynolds: Come here. Yeah, come here
Henry (V/O): Hi.
Burt Reynolds: Hi. Sit down.
[HENRY, a young male audience member, takes a seat next to Burt. ]
Burt Reynolds: Whats your name?
Burt Reynolds: Henry?
[ Burt rolls up his sleeves. ]
Henry: Go Gators.
Burt Reynolds: Go Gators?
Henry: Go Gators!
Burt Reynolds: Henry, I didnt bring you up here to do any of that kind of crap.
[ Burt places his hand on Henrys shoulder. ]
Burt Reynolds: Were just going to do a little bit, okay? Whos, uh, whos your favorite movie star?
[ Henry takes a moment. ]
Henry: Uh Burt Reynolds.
[ Burt stares at Henry for a moment then kisses him on the cheek. ]
Burt Reynolds: You know its funny? When I was looking over there at you Henry, you know, you didnt have a real intelligent look about you. You now got brains coming out at you. You know what I mean?
[ Henry nods and grins. ]
Burt Reynolds: You know, lets stop talking about me and talk about my movies. Okay? Which one you like the best?
Henry: Um I didnt see too many of them. Uh
Burt Reynolds: Let me see if I can help you out. Cars? Cars jumping over
Burt Reynolds: Fences! And over bridges
Henry: They Turn Styles?
Burt Reynolds: Henry, youre sick! Ill give you the first part of the picture — Smokey and the
Burt Reynolds: Smokey means something else to you, doesnt it, Henry?
[ Henry nods and grins. ]
Burt Reynolds: Deliverance. Did you see Deliverance?
Henry: The dueling banjos? Yeah! That scene was great. It was good.
Burt Reynolds: The banjos? You know, I was in the picture? I was in there with the dueling banjos. Are you married, Henry?
Burt Reynolds: Fool around?
Henry: I cant say that on TV.
Burt Reynolds: You can. You can say it. Say fooling around on television.
Henry: Fooling around — yes!
Burt Reynolds: You fool around? A lot?
Henry: No, I cant really do it that much.
Burt Reynolds: Yeah? Thats why your face is so clean.
[ Burt strokes Henrys left cheek. ]
Burt Reynolds: Were going, uh, go on now — do the rest of the show — but Im going keep talking to you because I like you. I got into show business when I first saw Elizabeth Taylor
[ The camera zooms out as the audience applauds. Burt chats with Henry for a few moments; they shake hands, hug, and Henry returns to his seat. ]
Submitted by: Cody Downs