Stretch Marks


Stretch Marks

Patty Caldwell…..Gilda Radner

Announcer: Now, at last, an album for career women in their late30’s – featuring the expressive, the moody, the 38-year-old Patty Caldwell. Finally reaching maturity with her new LP release, Stretch Marks.

Patty Caldwell: [ singing ]“Stretch Marks. Stretch Marks.
Footprints of time on my skin..

Announcer: Patty Caldwell reaches back into her own experiences, to bring back to life tunes like “I Used to be Quite Interesting, Really”, “F-U-L-L-F-I-L-L-M-E-N-T”.

Patty Caldwell: [ singing ]“F-U-L-L-F-I-L-L-M-E-N-T.
That’s what this boy does to me.
F-U-L-L-F-I-L-L-M-E-N-T.That’s what life means to me.

Announcer: “I Feel Sorry For People in Love”. “My Songs Are My Children”.

Patty Caldwell: [ singing ]“I’m married to music.
My songs are my children.
I’m married to music.
My songs are my kids.
I’m married to music..

Announcer: “Bad Child”. “Cats”. “You Call Me Bitch One More Time I’ll Scratch Your Eyes Out”. Patty shares her lonely moments with you, in songs like “You’ll Be Sorry Someday”.

Patty Caldwell: [ singing ]“You’ll be sorry someday..
when she begins to look like me.
Is that your car..?

Announcer: “Kids – It’s Academic Now (Too Risky)”. “Me and Me Against the World”. “Yesterday’s Dreams”. “Droopin'”. “Vantage Blues”.

Patty Caldwell: [ singing ]“Fifty bucks in the ashtray.
I’ve got those vantage blues again..”

Announcer: “My Niece is Such a Drag”. “Man’s World Without Men”. Patty Caldwell lets it all hang out, with her new Stretch Marks. This album is not available in record stores. Send your check or money order to: Stretch Marks, Grand Central Station, Box 202. Only $8.75 for the record album, or $11.15 for 8-track cassette.

Patty Caldwell: [ singing ]“Stretch Marks. Stretch Marks.
Footprints of time on my skin..

Announcer: Hurry. She’s getting older.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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