Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 5: Episode 19
Deer #1…..Steve Martin
Deer #2….Gilda Radner
Deer #3…..Bill Murray
Female Motorist…..Jane Curtin
Male Motorist…..Al Franken
Deer #4…..Tom Davis
Cow: Moooooo! Say… excuse me! But do you know if there might be a Cattle Crossing near?
Deer #1: [ pointing with his hoof ] Uh — there’s one about a mile up the road. But you’re welcome to cross here, if you’d like.
Cow: Noooooooooo, that’s okay! Thank you![ the cow slowly ambles off ]
Deer #1: Take care! [ to his fellow deer ] Boy, was he lost! Can you believe that![ they watch cars zoom past ]
Deer #1: Now, normally I would have crossed here… but since you’re with me, I’d rather not.
Deer #2: Thank you, Deer![ a third Deer hops forward on his hind legs ]
Deer #3: Been waiting long?
Deer #2: Yeah. It’s pretty bad today.
Deer #1: I don’t know how they picked this spot. It’s a pretty ridiculous place for a Deer Crossing.
Deer #3: [ chuckling ] Yeah, well, I can’t wait all day. I’m going.
Deer #2: Don’t! Are you crazy?
Deer #3: [ chuckling ] Look, they have to stop! Right? It’s a Deer Crossing! I’m out of here![ he hops across the street ]
Deer #1: [ calling out ] I don’t think they have to stop![ suddenly, a car slams on its brakes and screeches along the road, as it collides with the dear ]
Female Motorist: Oh, honey! Couldn’t you stop?!
Male Motorist: It shot right out in front of me! Come on, let’s go![ they slam their doors and pull away, as more traffic passes at a rapid pace ] [ the two deer continue to watch for an opening, as a fourth deer bounds forward on its two hind legs, looks sadistically at the first two deer, then hops right onto the interstate without looking ] [ he can be heard getting clipped by a car, and momentarily returns to the other two deer, clutching his side and gasping as he retreats into the woods ]
Deer #2: Do you think maybe we ought to come back later?
Deer #1: [ he observes passing traffic for a moment ] Let’s go find a salt lick on the other side of the road.[ they turn and walk back into the woods ] [ fade ]