Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 6: Episode 1
American Cancer Society
Spokeswoman: Hello! I’m from the American Cancer Society, with an important message for all women.
You know, breast cancer used to be a taboo subject, especially on TV. But, fortunately, today we are able to talk about it freely and openly. Learning how to examine your breasts can help save your life. There’s a simple procedure for dong this, which I will now demonstrate. Please watch carefully, observing all my movements.
[ she unbuttons her blouse and rips it off, as a black bar covers her full frontal ]
Spokeswoman: [ touching her breasts behind the black bar ] Begin here… touching this. Use this to probe that. Check to see if there’s anything like that. Then glide that along like this, like that, to see if there’s anything like this or that. Next, flex this firmly, while pressing that. Then flex this while pressing that. Finally, squeeze this between this and that. And that will look like this. Do not do this like this… or these will look like this. Do this like that, and that will look like this. And, lastly, one word of warning: If anything like… this… looks anything like… that… consult your doctor immediately. That could be fatal.
[ dissolve to title card ]
Announcer: The preceding public service announcement was brought to you by the Service for Public Service Announcements.
[ fade ]