SNL Transcripts: Elliot Gould: 11/15/80: American Cancer Society

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 6: Episode 1

80a: Elliot Gould / Kid Creole & The Coconuts

American Cancer Society

Spokeswoman…..Gail Matthius

Spokeswoman: Hello! I’m from the American Cancer Society, with an important message for all women.

You know, breast cancer used to be a taboo subject, especially on TV. But, fortunately, today we are able to talk about it freely and openly. Learning how to examine your breasts can help save your life. There’s a simple procedure for dong this, which I will now demonstrate. Please watch carefully, observing all my movements.

[ she unbuttons her blouse and rips it off, as a black bar covers her full frontal ]

Spokeswoman: [ touching her breasts behind the black bar ] Begin here… touching this. Use this to probe that. Check to see if there’s anything like that. Then glide that along like this, like that, to see if there’s anything like this or that. Next, flex this firmly, while pressing that. Then flex this while pressing that. Finally, squeeze this between this and that. And that will look like this. Do not do this like this… or these will look like this. Do this like that, and that will look like this. And, lastly, one word of warning: If anything like… this… looks anything like… that… consult your doctor immediately. That could be fatal.

Thank you!

[ dissolve to title card ]

Announcer: The preceding public service announcement was brought to you by the Service for Public Service Announcements.

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020. View all posts by Don Roy King