Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 6: Episode 1
80a: Elliot Gould / Kid Creole & The Coconuts
A Public Service Announcement: Highway Education
[ SUPER: “A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT” ] [ shows Father getting into his car, with his family inside ]
Father: Okay now, what does everybody want to read today?
Daughter: Peter Pan!
Son: Huckleberry Finn!
Mother: How about the Swiss Family Robinson?
Father: Yeah, I think the kids will get a kick out of that. [ drives off ]
Announcer: The Andersons are about to take a leisurely Sunday afternoon drive. And read a classic novel at the same time. [ The family drives off, passing a sign that says “Swiss Family Robinson Ave.” ]
Thanks to a combined effort of the Department of Education and the Department of Highways, The American public will be better educated and more entertained each and every time the travel on one of our fine roads.[ They pass by signs that read, “SWISS FAMILY ROBINSON by Johnathan Swift”, “CHAPTER ONE”, “Shipwrecked…”, “And alone”, “For many days…”, etc. ] [ cut to Housewife driving; super: Housewife ]
Housewife: Oh I just love these mystery novels. You know, once I started Agatha Christie, I just can’t put her down!
Announcer: Highway education will even make bussing more acceptable, enabling students to study, even while in transit.[ a school bus passes by signs that read, “Q: Who was the 14th American president?”,”A: Grover Cleveland” ] [ cut to Truck Driver by truck; super: Truck Driver ]
Truck Driver: Yeah, when I finish Sartre’s Being and Nothingness on my next drive, I’ll get my Master’s degree in Western philosophy.[ cut to Book Critic in limo; super: Book Critic ]
Book Critic: Even though I find his storylines often intriguing, Kurt Vonnegut’s pacing is much too erotic.
Elderly Husband: You know, me and Evelyn decided that when we retired, we’d spend the rest of our days just driving around the country and catching up on our reading. Yeah, America sure is quite a library.[ they drive by sign that reads, “…and so they lived happily ever after. The end.” ]
Announcer: This message has been brought to you by The Petroleum council. We’re trying to educate America.
Submitted by: Tony DuMont