Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 6: Episode 2
November 22nd, 1980
Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band
The ExecutionSummary: A boisterous mother (Denny Dillon) instructs her son (Gilbert Gottfried) to sit up straight in the electric chair before he’s executed.
Malcolm McDowell’s MonologueSummary: English actor Malcolm McDowell explains how he had to get his U.S. work permit renewed so he could host the show tonight.
Mutually Omaha’s Wild KingdomSummary: Jim Fowler (Joe Piscopo) goes off in search of that exotic beast – the Negro Republican.
Note: Eddie Murphy, who had been hanging around the studio after repeatedly trying to be added to the cast, makes his debut in this sketch, albeit sitting on the couch with no lines while an uncredited extra plays the role of the black man. Murphy took great offense to this misuse of his talents.
Tobacco Growers of AmericaSummary: Tobacco Growers spokesman Joseph Richman (Gilbert Gottfried) claims the human lung is to blame for lung cancer, not cigarettes.
Serf CitySummary: Earl (Malcolm McDowell) and Lord Jack (Charles Rocket) make a sport of riding on the backs of lowly peasants.
The Reagans Adopt Amy CarterSummary: Following Inaugueration Day, Ronald (Charles Rocket) and Nancy Reagan (Gail Matthius) adopt Amy Carter (Denny Dillon) so they can provide her with a proper privileged lifestyle.
Recurring Characters: Ronald Reagan, Nancy Reagan, Amy Carter.
American Milk AssociationSummary: Alex de Large (Malcolm McDowell), from “A Clockwork Orange”, speaks highly of moloko.
“Showdown”Summary: In a film by Ken Friedman, a romantic conflict begats a Wild West-style shootout.
Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band performs “Hot Head”
Weekend Update with Charles RocketSummary: Charles Rocket conducts a video interview with Yoko Ono (Denny Dillon) and house husband John Lennon (Malcolm McDowell). Joe Piscopo uses Rock-’em Sock-’em Robots to predict the results of the Roberto Duran-Sugar Ray Leonard rematch. Commenting on last week’s show, Dr. Murray Abromowitz (Gilbert Gottfried) says it wasn’t funny.
Recurring Characters: John Lennon, Yoko Ono.
Gothic Novel ShopSummary: A bookstore owner (Malcolm McDowell) specializing in gothic romance novels goes out of his way to meet the specific reading needs of a wonton customer (Ann Risley).
“The 100 Years War”Summary: A quick summary of the 100 Years War, as told through a University Extension Course in World History.
The Leather Weather ReportSummary: Dominatrix Thelma Thunder (Denny Dillon) beats the man (Charles Rocket) stretched across her map while giving the weather forecast.
Commie Hunting SeasonSummary: The governor (Malcolm McDowell) of Greensboro, North Carolina lays down the ground rules as local rednecks with itchy trigger fingers look forward to shooting Commies on the first day of the new hunting season.
The Rocket ReportSummary: Charles Rocket bothers people while strolling along 5th Avenue.
Jack The StripperSummary: Dame Lydia Snoot (Malcolm McDowell) searches for the notorious Jack the Stripper, who turns out to be Prince Charles (Charles Rocket) working the exotic dance circuit.
Recurring Characters: Prince Charles.
Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band performs “Ashtray Heart”
“Someone Is Hiding In My Apartment”Summary: In a film by Mitchell Kriegman, a man (Mitchell Kriegman) fears an unknown presence in his apartment whom he appears to be involved with in a relationship.
The Wine CellarSummary: Carolyn Parker (Denny Dillon) dismisses fancy French wines and proper American wines to go with American junk foods.