SNL Transcripts: Malcolm McDowell: 11/22/80: Malcolm McDowell’s Monologue


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 6: Episode 2

80b: Malcolm McDowell / Captain Beefheart and the Magic Band

Malcolm McDowell’s Monologue

…..Malcolm McDowell

Don Pardo V/O: Ladies and Gentlemen, Malcolm McDowell!

Malcolm McDowell: Thank you. It’s great to be here! Great to be here tonight. Thank you. You know, I almost didn’t make it.

(An off-screen voice shouts “Why?”)

Malcolm McDowell: I’m an Englishman in case you haven’t noticed and the English have to have a work permit if they want to work here. Now, to get that permit, you have to prove that you can honestly to do that job. Now, it’s not enough that I starred in a Broadway play, I’m about to be the proud father of an American child. (Audience cheers and appluase) Thank you. I’m only half to blame for that. Well, in the rush of making babies and doing a play in New York, I completely forgot to get my permit renewed. Now, that’s a honest mistake. Well, this past Thursday, immigration called and said that not only that I couldn’t host the show, but I’d have to leave the country as well. Well, I was extremely nervous because it usually takes days to get a permit. However, thanks to NBC and their considerable clout, I was spared the waiting, but still we had to stop the show in the middle of rehearsals, at the cost of thousands of dollars, I had to get in a cab, go to my apartment, get my passport, come back here again, go over to the lawyer’s office and go to immigration. Now, I am perfectly legal. (Applause) I’m going to let you in on a little secret. The only reason I did this bloody show was to get a new permit anyway. (Audience laughs and applause). (In Texas drawl): We’ll be right back!

(Audience cheers and applause some more)

Submitted by: Kyleman88

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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