SNL Transcripts: Ellen Burstyn: 12/06/80: Ellen Burstyn’s Monologue

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 6: Episode 3



80c: Ellen Burstyn / Aretha Franklin, Keith Sykes

Ellen Burstyn’s Monologue

…..Ellen Burstyn

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Ellen Burstyn!

Ellen Burstyn: Hi! I’m Ellen Burstyn! I’ve got a lot of friends here tonight, because after the show we’re gonna have a little celebration because, at the stroke of midnight, it’s gonna be my birthday. [ the audience cheers ] And I’m gonna be 48 years old. [ the audience whoops ] And I want to tell you kids that are 20 and 30: You ain’t seen nothin’ yet! The 40’s are TERRIFIC! I’m having the BEST time I’ve ever had in my whole life! That’s why I wanted to do this show, you know. I’ve done all these heavy, dramatic parts:

In “Resurrection”, I play a woman who goes over a cliff in a car, dies, and comes back to life with both her legs broken.

Even in “Same Time, Next Year”. It was a comedy — I played an adulteress.

“The Exorcist”: I played the mother of a little girl with a slight personality disorder.

Uh — in “King of Marvin Gardens” I shot and killed Bruce Dern.

And in “Dream of Passon”, I murdered my three children all together.

So I say it is time to LIGHTEN UP!! [ the audience cheers ] Lets have some fun!! We’re gonna be right back!!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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