SNL Transcripts: Ellen Burstyn: 12/06/80: Ellen Burstyn’s Monologue

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 6: Episode 3

80c: Ellen Burstyn / Aretha Franklin, Keith Sykes

Ellen Burstyn’s Monologue

…..Ellen Burstyn

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Ellen Burstyn!

Ellen Burstyn: Hi! I’m Ellen Burstyn! I’ve got a lot of friends here tonight, because after the show we’re gonna have a little celebration because, at the stroke of midnight, it’s gonna be my birthday. [ the audience cheers ] And I’m gonna be 48 years old. [ the audience whoops ] And I want to tell you kids that are 20 and 30: You ain’t seen nothin’ yet! The 40’s are TERRIFIC! I’m having the BEST time I’ve ever had in my whole life! That’s why I wanted to do this show, you know. I’ve done all these heavy, dramatic parts:

In “Resurrection”, I play a woman who goes over a cliff in a car, dies, and comes back to life with both her legs broken.

Even in “Same Time, Next Year”. It was a comedy — I played an adulteress.

“The Exorcist”: I played the mother of a little girl with a slight personality disorder.

Uh — in “King of Marvin Gardens” I shot and killed Bruce Dern.

And in “Dream of Passon”, I murdered my three children all together.

So I say it is time to LIGHTEN UP!! [ the audience cheers ] Lets have some fun!! We’re gonna be right back!!

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