SNL Transcripts: Jamie Lee Curtis: 12/13/80


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 6: Episode 4

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

A Film By:

December 13th, 1980

Jamie Lee Curtis

James Brown

Ellen Shipley


Martin Brest

The Mean MajoritySummary: Members of the Mean Majority (Denny Dillon, Gail Matthius, Charles Rocket), an organization of decent, moral Americans, speaks out.



Jamie Lee Curtis’ MonologueSummary: Jamie Lee Curtis treats the audience to her trademark horror film scream.

Bio: The daughter of Janet Leigh and Tony Curtis, Jamie Lee Curtis (1958-) was known as “The Scream Queen” for her performances in horror films like “Halloween” and “The Fog.”


Clovin Hind Jeans ISummary: Only her brains come between Brooke Shields (Gail Matthius) and her Clovin Hind Jeans.


The Attack of the Terrible Snapping CreaturesSummary: In horror spoof, roommates Gail (Gail Matthius) and Laurie (Jamie Lee Curtis) discover an outbreak of clothespins in their new apartment.

Three-Card MontySummary: Jersey guy Paulie Herman (Joe Piscopo) meets a three-card monty street hustler (Eddie Murphy) in New York City.

Recurring Characters: Paulie Herman.


“Who is Gilbert Gottfried?”Summary: Gilbert Gottfried introduces a film by Linda Lee, which shows how he managed to get on “Saturday Night Live.”

Dying To Be HeardSummary: The only way poetesses (Jamie Lee Curtis, Gail Matthius) can get their poems read on TV is by committing suicide.


James Brown performs “Rapp Payback”Bio: An iconic performer of many titles, such as “The Godfather of Soul” and “The Hardest Working Man in Show Business,” James Brown (1933-) is responsible for turning R&B into soul, then for turning soul into funk.

Note: “Rapp Payback” is an homage to Brown’s earlier singles “Brother Rapp” and “The Payback.”


Weekend Update with Charles RocketSummary: Woodswoman (Denny Dillon) gives a remote editorial on President-elect Reagan’s proposed nuclear dumping policy. Joe Piscopo recaps the week in sports via poetic verse. Consumer reporter Eddie Murphy proposes dog food for human consumption.

Poker & Drugs Don’t MixSummary: In a satire of a public service announcement, poker players make bad hands while under the influence of drugs.


Clovin Hind Jeans IISummary: If Brooke Shields’ (Gail Matthius) jeans could talk, then she could act.


Badger ConventionSummary: A group of annoying lodge brothers who call themselves The Badgers hold their annual convention, where they initiate a new member (Matthew Laurence) and badger a frustrated waitress (Jamie Lee Curtis).


James Brown performs a medley of his hits

Tortu-MaticSummary: Charles Rocket promotes the physical torture device that keeps him pumped to perfection.

“Hot Dogs For Gauguin”Summary: In an abridged version of a 1972 student film written and directed by Martin Brest, a photographer (Danny DeVito) plots to bomb the Statue of Liberty so he can snap an award-winning news photo afterwards.

Bio: A former NYU film student, Martin Brest (1951-) would later produce and direct Eddie Murphy in “Beverly Hills Cop” (1984), Robert De Niro in “Midnight Run” (1988), and Al Pacino in “Scent of a Woman” (1992). He also wrote, produced and directed Ben Affleck in “Gigli” (2003).

Roweena’s Cut ‘n CurlSummary: While having her hair done by Roweena (Gail Matthius), Nadine (Denny Dillon) receives a visit from her punk-rocker daughter (Jamie Lee Curtis).

Recurring Characters: Nadine, Roweena.

Clovin Hind Jeans IIISummary: Brooke Shields (Gail Matthius) attempts to recite poetry about her Clovin Hinds before falling on her butt.

Camille Black’s Cycle GangSummary: TV news reporter (Jamie Lee Curtis) interviews biker Camille Black (Ann Risley), who advocates the burying of road kill.

Ellen Shipley performs “Fotogenic”


SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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