SNL Transcripts: Jamie Lee Curtis: 12/13/80

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 6: Episode 4

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

A Film By:

December 13th, 1980

Jamie Lee Curtis

James Brown

Ellen Shipley


Martin Brest

The Mean MajoritySummary: Members of the Mean Majority (Denny Dillon, Gail Matthius, Charles Rocket), an organization of decent, moral Americans, speaks out.



Jamie Lee Curtis’ MonologueSummary: Jamie Lee Curtis treats the audience to her trademark horror film scream.

Bio: The daughter of Janet Leigh and Tony Curtis, Jamie Lee Curtis (1958-) was known as “The Scream Queen” for her performances in horror films like “Halloween” and “The Fog.”


Clovin Hind Jeans ISummary: Only her brains come between Brooke Shields (Gail Matthius) and her Clovin Hind Jeans.


The Attack of the Terrible Snapping CreaturesSummary: In horror spoof, roommates Gail (Gail Matthius) and Laurie (Jamie Lee Curtis) discover an outbreak of clothespins in their new apartment.

Three-Card MontySummary: Jersey guy Paulie Herman (Joe Piscopo) meets a three-card monty street hustler (Eddie Murphy) in New York City.

Recurring Characters: Paulie Herman.


“Who is Gilbert Gottfried?”Summary: Gilbert Gottfried introduces a film by Linda Lee, which shows how he managed to get on “Saturday Night Live.”

Dying To Be HeardSummary: The only way poetesses (Jamie Lee Curtis, Gail Matthius) can get their poems read on TV is by committing suicide.


James Brown performs “Rapp Payback”Bio: An iconic performer of many titles, such as “The Godfather of Soul” and “The Hardest Working Man in Show Business,” James Brown (1933-) is responsible for turning R&B into soul, then for turning soul into funk.

Note: “Rapp Payback” is an homage to Brown’s earlier singles “Brother Rapp” and “The Payback.”


Weekend Update with Charles RocketSummary: Woodswoman (Denny Dillon) gives a remote editorial on President-elect Reagan’s proposed nuclear dumping policy. Joe Piscopo recaps the week in sports via poetic verse. Consumer reporter Eddie Murphy proposes dog food for human consumption.

Poker & Drugs Don’t MixSummary: In a satire of a public service announcement, poker players make bad hands while under the influence of drugs.


Clovin Hind Jeans IISummary: If Brooke Shields’ (Gail Matthius) jeans could talk, then she could act.


Badger ConventionSummary: A group of annoying lodge brothers who call themselves The Badgers hold their annual convention, where they initiate a new member (Matthew Laurence) and badger a frustrated waitress (Jamie Lee Curtis).


James Brown performs a medley of his hits

Tortu-MaticSummary: Charles Rocket promotes the physical torture device that keeps him pumped to perfection.

“Hot Dogs For Gauguin”Summary: In an abridged version of a 1972 student film written and directed by Martin Brest, a photographer (Danny DeVito) plots to bomb the Statue of Liberty so he can snap an award-winning news photo afterwards.

Bio: A former NYU film student, Martin Brest (1951-) would later produce and direct Eddie Murphy in “Beverly Hills Cop” (1984), Robert De Niro in “Midnight Run” (1988), and Al Pacino in “Scent of a Woman” (1992). He also wrote, produced and directed Ben Affleck in “Gigli” (2003).

Roweena’s Cut ‘n CurlSummary: While having her hair done by Roweena (Gail Matthius), Nadine (Denny Dillon) receives a visit from her punk-rocker daughter (Jamie Lee Curtis).

Recurring Characters: Nadine, Roweena.

Clovin Hind Jeans IIISummary: Brooke Shields (Gail Matthius) attempts to recite poetry about her Clovin Hinds before falling on her butt.

Camille Black’s Cycle GangSummary: TV news reporter (Jamie Lee Curtis) interviews biker Camille Black (Ann Risley), who advocates the burying of road kill.

Ellen Shipley performs “Fotogenic”


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