Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 6: Episode 5
[ open on Spokesman standing behind counter ]
Spokesman: [ manic ] Ho, ho, ho! Thinking of what to get your loved ones for Christmas?! Why not give the gift that KEEPS YOU LIVING — a GUN from Gun City!!
[ he holds up a tiny gun ]
For the First Lady of the house, get one of these teeny-weeny guns! Order NOW, and we’ll throw in this designer Gucci holster!
[ he holds up a bigger gun ]
For the TEENS, we’ve got a whole slew of Saturday Night Specials! Your kid will be the HIT of the dance floor, as they proudly display its spinning disco action!
[ he holds up a larger gun ]
And, Dad, you can celebrate the yuletide season by strapping on one of these Magnin .44s! If this baby can stop a charging rhino in its tracks, IMAGINE what it’ll do to the MEANEST MUTHA in da Bronx!! Buy it!! Be a man!! She’ll be HAPPY to see you with a PISTOL in your POCKET!! And Gun City has all the BULLETS you’ll ever need! [ he picks them up by the handful from a box ] These shells make GREAT stocking stuffers!! At Gun City, we sell to ANYONE!! PERMITS?!! HA HA!! We’ll take care of them!! We don’t care about your PAST, only your FUTURE!! So come on down! Arm your loved ones and put a BANG in their life!! At GUN CITYYYY!!!
Jingle: “Christmas fun starts with a gun!” [ shot rings out ] “Gun City!”
[ fade ]