Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 6: Episode 6
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:Cameos:
January 10th, 1981
Ray Sharkey
Jack Bruce & Friends
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To Tell The Truth
Summary: After revealing himself in a game show line-up, the real Jimmy “The Weasel” Fratianno (Matthew Laurance) is shot by a fellow gangster (Charles Rocket).
Transcript
Montage
Ray Sharkey’s Monologue
Summary: Ray Sharkey jokes about his flight across the country and how much he loves New York.
Transcript
Work Time
Summary: Manual laborers drink beer before going to work, because it makes a lot more sense than being sober.
WASP Translator
Summary: Marcello Bellini (Ray Sharkey) helps translates the repressed feelings bottled up by uptight WASPs Charles Huntington (Charles Rocket) and Ann Huntington (Ann Risley).
Tommy Torture
Summary: Valley girls Vickie (Gail Matthius) and Debbie (Denny Dillon) meet punk rocker Tommy Torture (Ray Sharkey) at a new wave club.
Recurring Characters: Vickie, Debbie.
Citizens For A Better America
Summary: Dr. Swen Gazzara (Gilbert Gottfried) requests that President Reagan give him a “hum” job.
Transcript
Jimmy Carter at the Bar
Summary: A depressed Jimmy Carter (Joe Piscopo) drowns his sorrows at a Washington bar in the days before Reagan’s inauguration, while Charles Rocket delivers a report on New York’s January 11th celebration outside.
Recurring Characters: President Jimmy Carter.
Weekend Update with Charles Rocket & Gail Matthius
Summary: Gail Matthius is thrilled to be Charles Rocket’s new co-anchor. Crime forecaster Marv Peters (Gilbert Gottfried) consults the Murder Map for the latest national figures. Sports reporter Joe Piscopo comments on Joe Frazier’s retirement and the growing excitement of professional bowling. Eddie Murphy requests that the draft board pass him over in favor of now out-of-work Garrett Morris.
Jack Bruce & Friends perform “Dancing On Air”
Cinematic Confession
Summary: With a little help from his interrogator (Ray Sharkey), Vic Lazlo (Gilbert Gottfried) delivers a cinematic confession.
Transcript
“Have A Nice Day”
Summary: Trailer spoofs slasher films by using smiley face symbols as the antagonists of a new horror flick.
White Baby Salesman
Summary: Shifty salesman (Eddie Murphy) moves black market white babies on unsuspecting childless couples in the park.
Transcript
Surrogate Mothers
Summary: A pair of surrogate mothers (Yvonne Hudson, Denny Dillon) act unruly to show their defiance for a pair of lackadaisical moms-to-be (Gail Matthius, Ann Risley).
“The Man With The Black Hat”
Summary: In a film by Michael Nesmith and William Dear, a man walks around the street with his pants draped around his ankles.
Stop-A-Nut
Summary: The personal protection unit provides armored defense against attackers and other personal offenders.
The Waiter-Maker
Summary: After star waiter Joey Dee (Charles Rocket) heads off for bigger dreams, restaurant owner Vinnie Vacarri (Ray Sharkey) tries to mold Velveeto the busboy (Gilbert Gottfried) into the perfect server.
Commercial For Nothing
Summary: A spokesman (Joe Piscopo) pitches a non-existent product for the low cost of $9.99.
Transcript
Eddie Murphy Stand-Up
Summary: Eddie Murphy performs stand-up about an inner-city insult contest.
Note: Producer Jean Doumanian was forced, at the suggestion of Neil Levy, to allow Eddie Murphy to perform the stand-up routine he auditioned with when it was discovered that the show was running short and had no other material to use as filler. Murphy would finally be upgraded to full cast member on the next episode thanks to his performance.
Transcript
Jack Bruce & Friends perform “Livin’ Without Ja”
Goodnights
Transcript
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