SNL Transcripts: Ray Sharkey: 01/10/81: Commercial For Nothing

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 6: Episode 6

80f: Ray Sharkey / Jack Bruce & Friends

Commercial For Nothing

Spokesman…..Joe Piscopo

[ open on Spokesman ]

Spokesman: Hi, everybody! Here’s great news! It’s here! The greatest little discovery EVER! There’s absolutely NOTHING to mix or measure! No moving parts! No messy creams!

[ the sales pitch expressions randomly begin to fill the screen ]

Here’s how to order: Trace your face on a piece of paper, and send $9.99 to Box 0, New York, New York 99999! Be sure to include ring size! Don’t delay, because when they’re gone… they’re gone!

Do it today! Send no money! Just rush $9.99 to Box 0, New York, New York 99999!

Specify one or two-car garage! And remember: No guarantee! No money back! No product! Please check Red, Blue, Green, or Natural Oak!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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