Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 6: Episode 6
80f: Ray Sharkey / Jack Bruce & Friends
Eddie Murphy Stand-Up
…..Eddie Murphy
Eddie Murphy: How you doing? I’m Eddie Murphy. Anybody in the audience ever — [ the audience applauds enthusiastically ] Thank you! Thank you. [ the audience calms down ] How many people in the audience have seen Black people fight before? [ the audience cheers enthusiastically ] For those of you who haven’t, I’ll show you what it’s like:
[ Eddie turns his head and falls into character ]
“What did you say to me, man? What? Now, wait a second! Now, be cool, man! Me and you gonna talk!” [ looks to his side ] “Little Dude, did you hear what he said about my Momma? The dude said my Momma got a wooden leg with a kickstand! Now, my momma leg ain’t got no kickstand on it, man! It’s just a regular wooden leg! Don’t you be exaggeratin’ about my Momma, man!”
[ Eddie looks around himself ]
“He said WHAT?! Your Momma got a wooden leg with a KICKSTAND on it?! You crazy man! You should whip his behind, man! Whip it, what, just like that record sing! Whip it! Whip it good! Put your FOOT in his BUTT! Keep it in there for a little while!”
“Hey, be cool, little dude! I’m gonna say something about HIS Momma! Say, man! [ to the little dude ] Listen to this here. Say, man! YOUR Momma… got some MOUTH in the back of her NECK! And the bitch chew like THIS!” [ Eddie stretches his arms out and swings his head up and down ] “Hear what I say about his Momma, little dude?”
[ laughing, as Little Dude: ] “Momma got a mouth on the back of her neck and chew like!” [ imitates the motion ] “I can’t breathe! I can’t breathe! Oh! Oh! Whip his butt! Don’t be changin’ the subject, you gettin’ your behind WHIPPED! Believe me!” [ does a double take ] “Say, man — put that gun away! Whatchoo gonna do with that gun, shoot somebody? Well, then, SHOOT HIM! Go ahead, shoot him! He’s messing with you, not me! Shoot him!”
“That’s right, man! Shoot me, if you gonna shoot somebody!”
[ Eddie makes a popping sound, then looks down at little dude and smiles ]
“Nice shot, man!” Thank you!
[ the audience applauds ]
Eddie Murphy: Once again — here is Jack Bruce & Friends!
