Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 6: Episode 6
To Tell the Truth
Number One…..Matthew Laurance
Number Two…..Charles Rocket
Number Three…..Eddie Murphy
[ open on silhouettes of three men ]
[ camera zooms in on first man as his face is lit ]
Announcer: Number One: What is YOUR name, please?
Number One: My name is… Jimmy “The Weasel” Fratianno.
Announcer: Number Two?
Number Two: My name is Jimmy “The Weasel” Fratianno.
Announcer: And Number Three?
Number Three: My name is Jimmy “The Weasel” Fratianno!
Announcer: [ reading ] “I, Jimmy “The Weasel” Fratianno, was once one of the highest members of the Mafia. I have personally murdered many people, some of them close friends. When I learned there was a contract out on my life, I decided to turn government conformant. Since then, I have become responsible for the convictions of Teamster officials in San Francisco, and Mafia bosses in Los Angeles and New York. In addition, my testimony has led to a grand jury investigation of Frank Sinatra’s alleged ties with convicted mobsters. At this moment, the Mafia is OUT to get me, and my life isn’t worth a plug nickel.”
Now! Will the REAL Jimmy “The Weasel” Fratianno… please step forward?
[ the three men make half-hearted attempts to step forward and back in an effort to tease the audience, until Number One finally steps forward to reveal his true identity ]
[ the audience applauds ]
[ Number Two whips out a pistol and shoots Jimmy “The Weasel” Fratianno in the back of the head ]
[ as Fratianno drops dead, Number Three looks at Number Two with grave concern ]
[ Number Two wraps his arm around Number Three’s neck and points his gun at his face ]
Number Three: [ panicked ] “LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT’S SATURDAY NIGHT!!”