Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 6: Episode 7
Carters Leave the White House
Mover #1…..Matthew Laurance
Rosalynn Carter…..Ann Risley
Amy Carter…..Denny Dillon
Jimmy Carter…..Joe Piscopo
[ open on exterior, White House, with SUPER: “Inauguration Day: Oval Office” ]
[ dissolve to interior, Oval Office, as moving men stack boxes at the center of the room ]
Mover #1: Mrs. Carter? We’re taking these down to the van now.
[ the moving men wheel the boxes away, revealing Rosalynn Carter crouched in front of the President’s desk trying to pry the Presidential Seal off the front ]
Rosalynn Carter: Well, hurry up! We only have FIVE minutes! Amy! Amy! Get in here with that crowbar! I’m not leaving this house without this seal!
[ Amy runs into the room carrying part of the bannister ]
Amy Carter: I’m sorry, Mama! I needed it for the bannister!
Rosalynn Carter: [ standing ] And, honey, don’t forget about the stairs — if that damn Nancy wants to get up to the second floor, she’s gonna have to CLAW her way up!
Amy Carter: She SCARES me, Mama! You suppose she ever KILLED anyone?
Rosalynn Carter: No, honey — she just MARRIES them instead! [ she finally pries the Presidential seal loose ] Here, Amy, here — put this in the box with the sink. Now… what’s left?
[ Rosalynn begins to take down the drapes ]
Amy Carter: Well, let’s see now… we cleared out the East Wing, and, uh, there’s nothing left in the West Wing. And, uh… I drained the pool! [ she laughs ]
Rosalynn Carter: Leave the diving board!
[ suddenly, Jimmy Carter enters carrying shrubbery ]
Jimmy Carter: This is the last of the Rose Garden! [ he stuffs the shrubs into a briefcase ]
Amy Carter: [ digging through a box ] Look, Mama! I got every DOOR KNOB, every FAUCET HANDLE… I even got the handle to the toilet!
Rosalynn Carter: That’s my Amy!
Jimmy Carter: Well… I guess that’s about everything.
[ the two movers roll the President’s desk out the door, as the red phone begins to beep ]
Jimmy Carter: Ohhhh… that’s the Hot Line. I’ll get it.
[ Jimmy yanks the phone from the wall, wraps its wires around, then tucks the phone under his arm ]
Jimmy Carter: I’ll go get the Welcome Mat!
[ Jimmy exits the Oval Office ]
[ outside, a car horn honks ]
Amy Carter: Mama! It’s them! It’s them!
Voice of Nancy Reagan: [ over bullhorn ] WE KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE! IT’S OUR HOME NOW, SO GET OUT! IT’S ALL OVER!
Rosalynn Carter: Oh no, it’s not! It’s… [ she turns to face the camera ] “LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT’S SATURDAY NIGHT!”