SNL Transcripts: Karen Black: 01/17/81: Reagan’s Vice President

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 6: Episode 7

80g: Karen Black / Cheap Trick, Stanley Clarke Trio

Reagan’s Vice President

Frank Sinatra…..Joe Piscopo
President Ronald Reagan…..Charles Rocket
Nancy Reagan…..Gail Matthius
Bodyguard #1…..Patrick Weathers
Other Bodyguards…..Matthew Laurance, Gilbert Gottfried

[ open on interior, Frank Sinatra’s dressing room, as his bodyguards style and make him up ]

Frank Sinatra: [ singing ]“I’ve got you… under my skin
I have got YOU… deep in the heart of meeee!”

Yeah. Don’t forget the bald spot.

[ singing ]“Start shotin the PRESS!
Yeah, they’re just in the wayyyy.”

“Don’t let them be a part of it,My U.S.A.!”

[ Sinatra chuckles, as his bodyguards join in the chorus ]

Frank Sinatra: Cut!

[ a knock at the door ]

Ronald Reagan: Uh… President — uh, Governor Reagan to see Mr. Sinatra?

Bodyguard #1: It’s the, uh, President, Frank.

[ Sinatra waves Reagan over ]

Bodyguard #1: Come in.

Ronald Reagan: Thank you!

Frank Sinatra: Ronnie, baby, good to see you. Sit down.

Ronald Reagan: [ sitting ] Uh, you sent for me, Mr. Sinatra?

Frank Sinatra: Just a few reminders about this, uh, Inauguration jazz, Ronnie.

Ronald Reagan: Yes, sir!

Frank Sinatra: Number One: During rehearsal, I noticed YOU always out in the front. The cameras could barely get a shot of me. Now, WHO do you think people are tuning in to see?

Ronald Reagan: Well, I — I’m sorry, I — I don’t know what I was thinking —

Frank Sinatra: Number Two: Your acceptance speech, I’m not in it!

Ronald Reagan: Oh… uh… w-well, you are! [ he pulls out a notepad ] I — I — I’m rewriting it as we speak!

Frank Sinatra: Good boy, Ronnie! Yuo know, I’ve been thinking a lot about this Bush cat. Obviously, he does not capische my role in the new administration.

Ronald Reagan: Oh — oh, NO, Mr. Sinatra! Georgie LOVES you!

Frank Sinatra: Not enough. He’s OUT!

Ronald Reagan: Oh, but, sir! Uh, he’s an ELECTED official!

Frank Sinatra: [ to his bodyguards ] You hear that, boys?

[ on cue, the bodyguards laugh at this notion ]

Frank Sinatra: ENOUGH!

[ the bodyguards quiet themselves ]

Frank Sinatra: I think Nancy would make a GROOVIER Vice-President!

Ronald Reagan: [ confused ] Uh — uh — Nancy Kissinger?

Frank Sinatra: Oh, that’s close, Ronnie. That’s real close, Ronnie baby. [ he slaps Reagain playfully on the cheek ] I mean, your BROAD! Your OLD LADY! Your CHICK!

Ronald Reagan: Oh! You mean Mommy!

Frank Sinatra: [ he sighs ] Yeah. I mean “Mommy”. [ he rolls his eyes at his bodyguards ]

Ronald Reagan: Oh! I can’t WAIT to tell her! Thank you, Mr. Sinatra! Thank you very much!

Frank Sinatra: Ciao.

Ronald Reagan: Thank you! [ to the bodyguards ] Nice meeting you, fellas! Thank you!

[ Reagan exits the dressing room ] [ after he leaves, Nancy Reagan casually enters from Sinatra’s closet ]

Nancy Reagan: Nice work, Frank.

Frank Sinatra: [ standing ] Oh! Thank you very much, Mrs. Reagan. I, uh, tried to do everything that you asked.

Nancy Reagan: Mmm-hmm. But you forgot about Jane Wyman. But I’ll take care of that.

Frank Sinatra: Ahhh, I’m gonna have to make it up to you, Boss!

Nancy Reagan: You can start right now by singing the Inaugural Theme just for me.

Frank Sinatra: [ singing ]“Keep Audrey Hepburn… and keep Liz Taylor
Nancy’s the feature, they are just… the trailer.
Picture a President in lace
That’s Nancy, with the laughing face.”

[ the camera zooms in on Nancy’s reflection in the mirror ]

Nancy Reagan: [ smiling ] It’s going to be a GREAT four years.

[ the camera pans out on the set, with SUPER: “Coming Up: Tank Therapy For Goldfish” ] [ fade ]

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