SNL Transcripts: Karen Black: 01/17/81: Reagan’s Vice President


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 6: Episode 7

80g: Karen Black / Cheap Trick, Stanley Clarke Trio

Reagan’s Vice President

Frank Sinatra…..Joe Piscopo
President Ronald Reagan…..Charles Rocket
Nancy Reagan…..Gail Matthius
Bodyguard #1…..Patrick Weathers
Other Bodyguards…..Matthew Laurance, Gilbert Gottfried

[ open on interior, Frank Sinatra’s dressing room, as his bodyguards style and make him up ]

Frank Sinatra: [ singing ]“I’ve got you… under my skin
I have got YOU… deep in the heart of meeee!”

Yeah. Don’t forget the bald spot.

[ singing ]“Start shotin the PRESS!
Yeah, they’re just in the wayyyy.”

“Don’t let them be a part of it,My U.S.A.!”

[ Sinatra chuckles, as his bodyguards join in the chorus ]

Frank Sinatra: Cut!

[ a knock at the door ]

Ronald Reagan: Uh… President — uh, Governor Reagan to see Mr. Sinatra?

Bodyguard #1: It’s the, uh, President, Frank.

[ Sinatra waves Reagan over ]

Bodyguard #1: Come in.

Ronald Reagan: Thank you!

Frank Sinatra: Ronnie, baby, good to see you. Sit down.

Ronald Reagan: [ sitting ] Uh, you sent for me, Mr. Sinatra?

Frank Sinatra: Just a few reminders about this, uh, Inauguration jazz, Ronnie.

Ronald Reagan: Yes, sir!

Frank Sinatra: Number One: During rehearsal, I noticed YOU always out in the front. The cameras could barely get a shot of me. Now, WHO do you think people are tuning in to see?

Ronald Reagan: Well, I — I’m sorry, I — I don’t know what I was thinking —

Frank Sinatra: Number Two: Your acceptance speech, I’m not in it!

Ronald Reagan: Oh… uh… w-well, you are! [ he pulls out a notepad ] I — I — I’m rewriting it as we speak!

Frank Sinatra: Good boy, Ronnie! Yuo know, I’ve been thinking a lot about this Bush cat. Obviously, he does not capische my role in the new administration.

Ronald Reagan: Oh — oh, NO, Mr. Sinatra! Georgie LOVES you!

Frank Sinatra: Not enough. He’s OUT!

Ronald Reagan: Oh, but, sir! Uh, he’s an ELECTED official!

Frank Sinatra: [ to his bodyguards ] You hear that, boys?

[ on cue, the bodyguards laugh at this notion ]

Frank Sinatra: ENOUGH!

[ the bodyguards quiet themselves ]

Frank Sinatra: I think Nancy would make a GROOVIER Vice-President!

Ronald Reagan: [ confused ] Uh — uh — Nancy Kissinger?

Frank Sinatra: Oh, that’s close, Ronnie. That’s real close, Ronnie baby. [ he slaps Reagain playfully on the cheek ] I mean, your BROAD! Your OLD LADY! Your CHICK!

Ronald Reagan: Oh! You mean Mommy!

Frank Sinatra: [ he sighs ] Yeah. I mean “Mommy”. [ he rolls his eyes at his bodyguards ]

Ronald Reagan: Oh! I can’t WAIT to tell her! Thank you, Mr. Sinatra! Thank you very much!

Frank Sinatra: Ciao.

Ronald Reagan: Thank you! [ to the bodyguards ] Nice meeting you, fellas! Thank you!

[ Reagan exits the dressing room ] [ after he leaves, Nancy Reagan casually enters from Sinatra’s closet ]

Nancy Reagan: Nice work, Frank.

Frank Sinatra: [ standing ] Oh! Thank you very much, Mrs. Reagan. I, uh, tried to do everything that you asked.

Nancy Reagan: Mmm-hmm. But you forgot about Jane Wyman. But I’ll take care of that.

Frank Sinatra: Ahhh, I’m gonna have to make it up to you, Boss!

Nancy Reagan: You can start right now by singing the Inaugural Theme just for me.

Frank Sinatra: [ singing ]“Keep Audrey Hepburn… and keep Liz Taylor
Nancy’s the feature, they are just… the trailer.
Picture a President in lace
That’s Nancy, with the laughing face.”

[ the camera zooms in on Nancy’s reflection in the mirror ]

Nancy Reagan: [ smiling ] It’s going to be a GREAT four years.

[ the camera pans out on the set, with SUPER: “Coming Up: Tank Therapy For Goldfish” ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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