SNL Transcripts: Robert Hays: 01/24/81


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 6: Episode 8

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


January 24th, 1981

Robert Hays

14 Karat Soul

Joe ‘King’ Carrasco & The Crowns


Don Pardo

Michael Nesmith

Harry Osborne
America Not Held Hostage AnymoreSummary: Despite the safe return of the American hostages in Iran, Ted Koppel (Joe Piscopo) finds a way to harass further information out of a hostage’s wife (Ann Risley).

Recurring Characters: Ted Koppel.



Robert Hays’ MonologueSummary: Robert Hays manipulates SNL’s instant Neilsen ratings by spicing up the variety of his topics.


DazolaSummary: A Native American (Denny Dillon) speaks highly of the mushroom spread.

Love American StyleSummary: “Airplane!” actor Robert Hays finds himself alone in a hotel room with an inflatable prostitute.


Saturday Night Live Sports CentralSummary: Sports reporters Joe Piscopo and Matthew Laurence profile the Asteroids lifestyle of video game pro Eddie Atari (Eddie Murphy).


ReagancoSummary: Spokesman (Charles Rocket) pitches the Reagan touch to common, everyday household products.

Save-A-Network TelethonSummary: Joe Piscopo encourages viewers to pledge a program premise to help keep NBC on the air.

Pre-Superbowl Pre-Game PreviewSummary: Panel members (Robert Hays, Charles Rocket, Ann Risley) make tomorrow’s Super Bowl sound like the most important event in the history of mankind.


“The Foreign Film”Summary: In a film by William Dear, a man (Michael Nesmith) speaks complete and utter nonsense.

Sports Organist at a FuneralSummary: Sports organist Harry Osborne is a last-minute fill-in at a solemn funeral service.


Weekend Update with Charles Rocket & Gail MatthiusSummary: Charles Rocket interviews a dummy of the Ayatollah Komeini, Fashion expert (Ann Risley) Tiffany Fleur emcees a fashion show for engineering students. Joe Piscopo uses an electronic football game to predict the outcome of tomorrow’s Super Bowl. Eddie Murphy comments on Irans’ frozen assets, and how it relates to his personal loss of $80 in a dope deal gone wrong.


Disco MeltdownSummary: Dena Disco (Denny Dillon) shakes her groove thing at a nuclear power plant’s disco club.

The Rocket ReportSummary: Charles Rocket uses misleading filmed bits to break down President Ronald Reagan’s daily itinerary.

The PacesetterSummary: Spokesman (Joe Piscopo) demonstrates the noisemaking device that brings new life to amateur theater.

Ravi SingsSummary: Ravi Shankar (Patrick Weathers) sings his own version of popular American romantic ballads.

Roweena’s Cut ‘n’ CurlSummary: Nadine (Denny Dillon) and Roweena (Gail Matthius) have different opinions about President Reagan and Mrs. Reagan.

Recurring Characters: Nadine, Roweena.

Eddie’s PromotionSummary: A smug Eddie Murphy insists that his promotion to full cast member won’t go to his head.

Dream DateSummary: Spokesman (Charles Rocket) tells viewers to send in $40,000 for a chance at a Dream Date.

“Ordinary Elephant People”Summary: A preview for a new movie about a disfigured dysfunctional family.


14 Karat Soul performs “I Wish That We Were Married” & “This Time It’s For Real”

The National EnquirerSummary: Various editors for the National Enquirer make decisions about the contents of the upcoming issue.

Joe ‘King’ Carrasco & The Crowns performs “Don’t Bug Me Baby”


SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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