Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 6: Episode 8
Ted Koppel…..Joe Piscopo
Mrs. Terry Hill…..Ann Risley
[ open on screenshot of the cast of “Saturday Night Live” ]
Announcer: “Saturday Night Live” will be delayed tonight, in order to bring you this special report.
[ cue graphic: “America Not Held Hostage Anymore” ]
ABC News Announcer: America Not Held Hostage Anymore. An ABC News exclusive report, with correspondent Ted Koppel.
[ pan out to Ted Koppel in ABC News Room ]
Ted Koppel: Good evening. When we began the program “America Held Hostage”, we thought it would be just a miniseries. But to our surprise, it ran for over 63 weeks, making it the most successful new program of the season. Tragically, the hostages have been freed, and it looked as though we would be cancelled. But, in an effort to continue this fine late night docudrama, ABC News will now be counting the days the hostages are out of captivity.
[ graphic behind Ted’s head reads “Hostages Back In America Day 4” ]
Starting now, with Day 4, we’ll have continuing coverage of the non-captivity for hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of days. We’ll also be spending each week spotlighting a different hostage. With 52, that should kill a year. And, of course, we’ll continue to harass their families, as we’ve one so well for the past year or so. We have one of those in-depth reports right now.
[ cut to a suburban front door, cameras flashing all around it. ]
[ SUPER: as woman steps outside “Mrs. Terry Hill, Wife of Someone Who Used to be a Hostage” ]
Mrs. Terry Hill: Ohh.. Get out of my yard! Please! I don’t have any comments! Just go away! [ creeps back inside ]
[ cut back to Ted in the newsroom ]
Ted Koppel: We’ll have another one of those reports, through the window of Mrs. Hill’s window, live at 3 a.m. this morning. Right now, we’re going to another story, “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”