Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 6: Episode 8
Love American Style
Voice of Inflatable Woman…..Gail Matthius
[ open on Robert Hays sitting alone in a hotel room ]
Robert Hays: Ah, this room that Tony set up for me sure is nice.. but I thought he knew how lonely I got on these promotional tours. I’ve been spending too many hours alone.. [ an Inflatable Woman suddenly rises from behind the couch ] What is this, some kind of a joke? Tony? Huh? Are you around here, huh? [ he reads the note on the Inflatable Woman ] “Patty Pleasure. For a good time, pull my string.” [ curious, he pulls her string ]
Voice of Inflatable Woman: Aren’t you going to ask a lady to sit down?
Robert Hays: [ confused ] Well.. sure.. [ he pulls her over the couch, sits her down, then pulls her string again ]
Voice of Inflatable Woman: You know.. you were wonderful in “Airplane!”
Robert Hays: Well, thanks. A lot of people don’t appreciate a comic performance. [ pulls her string ]
Voice of Inflatable Woman: Your eyes have a way of seeing right through me..
Robert Hays: Really? [ pulls her string ]
Voice of Inflatable Woman: I know how to make a man happy. I can.. [ Robert quickly pulls her string so he can hear the rest ] ..tie you up, or you can tie me up, or.. I can invite my friend Terri over, and you could.. [ he quickly pulls the string again ] ..watch. Do you think you could handle that?
Robert Hays: Well, uh.. you’d probably be plenty for me! [ pulls her string again ]
Voice of Inflatable Woman: Well, what are you waiting for?
Robert Hays: Well, uh.. what do I do? [ pulls her string ]
Voice of Inflatable Woman: You can start by giving me $100.
Robert Hays: For what?! [ pulls her string ]
Voice of Inflatable Woman: For the time of your life.
Robert Hays: Are you out of your mind? [ pulls string ]
Voice of Inflatable Woman: Give me $100, and we’ll talk about it.
Robert Hays: Oh, yeah? Well, who’s going to make me pay for it?