SNL Transcripts: Deborah Harry: 02/14/81: Big Brother


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 6: Episode 10

80j: Deborah Harry / Funky 4 + 1 More

Big Brother

Big Brother…..Gilbert Gottfried
Michelle Richards…..Deborah Harry

[ open on close-up of TV screen buzzing, as sunrise imagery appears ]

Female TV V/O: Time to wake up! It’s 8:10 a.m., Monday, September 27th. 1984. Your name is Michelle Richards, Social Security Number 505-140-9709, and now for the morning morale.

[ Michelle stretches and rises out of bed ]

Male TV V/O: I feel good. I feel good contributing to the well-being of our industrial index. Bless Big Brother and our powerful nation.

Female TV V/O: And now for… Big Brother!

[ Big Brother’s image wipes onto the screen ]

Big Brother: Hello, Michelle Richards. You work for North American International.

Michelle Richards: [ enthusiastically ] Yes, Big Brother!

Big Brother: Your position there is Security.

Michelle Richards: Yes, Big Brother!

Big Brother: You are still employed by that corporation.

Michelle Richards: Yes, Big Brother!

Big Brother: Recite the National Motto.

Michelle Richards: [ collecting her thoughts ] “Discipline is POWER! Government control is FREEDOM!”

Big Brother: Are you in sound body and work-ready?

Michelle Richards: Yes, Big Brother!

Big Brother: You may begin the assigned work day.

Michelle Richards: Yes, Big Brother!

Big Brother: Miss Richards?

Michelle Richards: Yes, Big Brother!

Big Brother: May I call you “Michelle”?

Michelle Richards: Yes, Big Brother!

Big Brother: [ meekly ] Um… Michelle? I-I know I’m Big Brother and everything… but… I-I was wondering if you’d like to go out and have dinner with me sometime.

Michelle Richards: [ taken aback ] Oh… I-I-I don’t know what to say. Big Brother asking me to go out for dinner?

Big Brother: I-i-i-if you don’t want to, I understand. But, you know, I… well, I-I like you and everything, and I know every day when I address you at the morning registration that I sound very harsh. And I don’t mean to, because I-I-I’m a nice guy.

Michelle Richards: Uh, this is so strange, I — I — I, uh, I’m just a common worker. Um… I don’t know what to say. Uhhh… you should have told me this before.

Big Brother: Well, I-I-I meant to, but… I don’t know, I… I thought you were gonna turn me down.

Michelle Richards: So what if I turned you down?

Big Brother: Well, you know, then I’d have to address you every day on the screen, and I’d feel like a shlep.

Michelle Richards: Well, I don’t know. I think you’re kind of cute!

Big Brother: You’re just saying that.

Michelle Richards: No, no, really! Uh, but… but… Big Brother, uhhh…

Big Brother: You can call me “Melvin”.

Michelle Richards: Well, Melvin… I-I-I din’t know if I really want to get into a relationship right now. Every guy I’ve been going out with recently, I don’t know if it’s a coincidence or something, but they’ve been taken away by the government to be reprogrammed.

Big Brother: [ nervously ] Yeah… I-I-I know that, Michelle.

Michelle Richards: [ naively ] What do you mean, you know?

Big Brother: Well, Michelle, I… I ordered them reprogrammed.

Michelle Richards: You ordered them reprogrammed? Why?

Big Brother: You know. Every week, I’d see you come home with another guy, and I-I’d be watching the two of you —

Michelle Richards: You were watching?!

Big Brother: Well, it’s all part of the Big Brother set-up. You know, I-I’m all perched up here —

Michelle Richards: You mean, you were watching when I’m here with no clothes on?

Big Brother: Yeah, but it’s not what you think. Y-you see… I like you. And I would love to be with you. And… I don’t know… I-I thought if I could get those other guys out of the way, then… maybe I’d build up enough courage to ask you out.

Michelle Richards: We-e-e-ell… I think that’s just beautiful.

Big Brother: Well, but… I mean… Michelle. Will — is it okay? Will you go out with me?

Michelle Richards: Well, yes — yes, Melvin, I will. Uh… [ Big Brother becomes stone-faced ] Melvin? Melvin! Yes! I said yes, I will.

Big Brother: [ fuming ] I don’t want you now, you’re too easy.

Michelle Richards: [ outraged ] Wha-a-a-a-at??!

Big Brother: You’re TOO easy! You’re going to have to be reprogrammed!

[ agents burst through Michelle’s door and drag her away ]

Michelle Richards: Oh, Melvin! Oh! Oh, Melvin! Give a girl a chance, Melvin…!

[ camera pans upward into audience and stops on man, with SUPER: “Survived St. Valentine’s Day Massacre” ] [ fade ]

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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