Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 6: Episode 10
Pinky Waxman…..Denny Dillon
Leo Waxman…..Gilbert Gottfried
[ open on interior, Soho apartment – Susan lying on a leather couch inliving room, as Liz enters from kitchen ]
Liz: Boy, that was someparty last night..
Liz: What time did we get home?
Susan: I don’t know.. I guess around 1:30. But we didn’t get to sleepuntil after 3. [ pause ] I love you.
Liz: I love you, too. Hey, did you see Karen with Marcie last night?
Susan: Yeah! They were getting it on!
Liz: I never thought she would be Karen’s type.
[ the doorbell rings ]
Susan: Who’s that?
Liz: I don’t know, but why don’t you get it. I’m gonna put someclothes on.
[ Liz exits to bedroom, as Susan gets up to answer the door ]
Pinky Waxman: Susan! Darling!
Leo Waxman: How do you do?
Susan: Aunt Pinky! Uncle Leo! [ shows them in ] What bringsyou to Soho?
Pinky Waxman: Well, the Sunday Times said “If you want to be hip – Soho!”
Leo Waxman: We decided to be beatniks!
Pinky Waxman: It’s like a carnival down here. Who knew?
Susan: Well, sit down, please.
Pinky Waxman: I hope we didn’t get you too much by surprise! You probably have a man hiding in the other room!
[ Liz walks out out of the other room, freshly dressed ]
Susan: Oh, uh.. Aunt Pinky, Uncle Leo – this is Liz.
Leo Waxman: [ shakes Liz’s hand ] Hello, my name is Leo.
Liz: Hi, nice to meet you.
Pinky Waxman: I’m Pinky Waxman, nice to meet you. This is my husband Leo.
Leo Waxman: We’ve met.
Pinky Waxman: Oh. We were just telling Susan, boy this Soho is some place! We were standing right by the place where Jill Clayburgh threw up in.. what was the name of that movie?
Leo Waxman: “An Unmarried Woman”! It was so exciting!
Liz: Well, sit down.
Leo Waxman: Why, certainly.. [ Leo and Pinky sit on the hard couch ] We’re sitting on a table! This Soho is some place! [ Pinky laughs ]
Susan: Here, have something to eat. [ pulls a food tray off of the table behind the couch ]
Leo Waxman: What, raisins and nuts? What are you feeding, a hamster? [ Pinky laughs ]
Pinky Waxman: Susan’s always been fond of exotic foods. We used to call her “Miss Beansprout”! [ Leo laughs ] So, Liz, do you live around here?
Liz: Yeah, I live here.
Pinky Waxman: Oh, in the same building?
Liz: In the same room.
Leo Waxman: Roommates! Oh, my goodness!
Pinky Waxman: Oh, what with the rent these days!
Susan: [ stuttering ] Uh.. Aunt Pinky.. Uncle Leo.. there’s something I.. you sohuld know.. Liz and I.. well..
Pinky Waxman: [ interrupting ] Oh! Susan, you wouldn’t recognize your cousin Jewel! You know, she’s had a nose job since you saw her last?
Susan: Another one?
Pinky Waxman: [ nodding ] Oh, yeah. Her nose is so small now, you can hardly see it!
Leo Waxman: Pretty soon she won’t have a nose, and then she’ll be happy!
Pinky Waxman: [ laughing ] Just a couple of holes for the smoke to come through!
Liz: How about if I open some wine?
Pinky Waxman: Oh, yes, that would be nice. Leo. [ nudges him up to help ]
Leo Waxman: Oh, uh.. let me help you. [ gets up and walks with Liz to the kitchen ]
Pinky Waxman: Leo, put a little spritzer in mine – not too strong.
Leo Waxman: Sure..
Pinky Waxman: [ eager to be alone with Susan ] So, uh.. you see,Susan? It’s nice to have a man around the house.
Susan: Oh, I’m sure it is. Aunt Pinky, do you like Liz?
Pinky Waxman: Oh, sure. She’s very nice. But, uh.. Susan, tellme, do you go out mcuh?
Susan: Oh, sure! Liz and I go lots of places.
Pinky Waxman: No, no.. I mean, you know, are you seeing osmespecial guy?
Pinky Waxman: Oh. Well, uh.. truthfully, Susan, that’s kind of why Leo and I stopped by. Your cousin Sidney has a friend who’s a lawyer – very handsome boy, comes from a lot of money.
Susan: Oh, that’s very sweet of you..
Pinky Waxman: And we were thinking of having him over for dinnerSaturday night. Maybe you could join us?
Susan: Oh, sure! Could I bring Liz?
Pinky Waxman: [ not catching on ] Oh.. well, sure.. we could get a boyfriend for Liz, too..
Susan: Oh.. well.. uh.. Aunt Pinky.. Liz and I, we don’t need any boyfriends. We have each other.
[ Pinky doesn’t know what to say, as Leo and Liz return to the room laughing ]
Leo Waxman: Well, as they say in Soho – “Here comes the Vino!”
Liz: Everyone take a glass!
Leo Waxman: Boy! What a lucky guy I am, I’m surrounded by threebeautiful girls!
Liz: Well, how about a toast?
Pinky Waxman: To Susan and Liz.
Leo Waxman: Well.. as Maurice Chevalier said, “Thank heaven forlittle girls, they grow up in the most delightful way!”
[ the four of them toast their glasses, as the camera pans off the set and into the audience to fade ]