SNL Transcripts: Bill Murray: 03/07/81

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 6: Episode 12


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:
March 7th, 1981

Bill Murray

Delbert McClinton

None

Bonnie Bramlett

Mark King

Paul Shaffer

Neil Levy

Brian Doyle-Murray
It Just Doesn’t MatterSummary: Bill Murray tells the worried cast to ignore SNL’s bad ratings and to adopt a laissez-faire attitude towards performing on tonight’s show.

Note: Despite Bill Murray’s pep talk, this would be the final episode for Gilbert Gottfried, Ann Risley, Charles Rocket, Matthew Laurance and Patrick Weathers, as well as writer/non-credited performer Mitchell Kriegman.

Transcript

Montage

Bill Murray’s MonologueSummary: An excited Bill Murray tosses a woman in the audience over his shoulder. Eddie Murphy rushes out to stop his antics, whereupon the duo proclaim themselves a star-powered comedy team.

Transcript

Formula for the Good LifeSummary: Jersey guy Paulie Herman (Joe Piscopo) speaks favorably of the chemical industry.

Recurring Characters: Paulie Herman.

Script in DevelopmentSummary: The revisions in a writer’s (Bill Murray) mystery novel are acted out behind him as he types.

Transcript

Altered WalterSummary: Walter Cronkite (Bill Murray) gets stoned in a sensory-deprivation tank, much to the changrin of his wife (Denny Dillon) and Dan Rather (Joe Piscopo).

Recurring Characters: Walter Cronkite, Dan Rather.

Delbert McClinton and Bonnie Bramlett perform “Givin’ It Up For Your Love”

Saturday Night NewslineSummary: Dr. Jonathan Lear (Mark King) shows off photos of DNA molecules.

Bio: Mark King (1958-) is the bass player for the band Level 42, who would later appear as musical guest in 1986.

Transcript

Chapstick CelebritiesSummary: “Chapstick” is the new last name preferred by celebrities everywhere.

Recurring Characters: Sammy Davis Jr.

Saturday Night Newsline IISummary: Bill Murray’s annual Oscar picks result in awards given to SNL’s original cast.

Transcript

Nick RiversSummary: Nick “Rivers” (Bill Murray) entertains passengers aboard a Mardi Gras cruise along the Mississippi River.

Recurring Characters: Nick the Lounge Singer.

Note: Paul Shaffer’s last official episode as leader of the SNL band is marked by his appearance in this sketch.

Transcript

Saturday Night Newsline IIISummary: Sports reporter Joe Piscopo suggests softer sticks as a solution to hockey violence.

Note: Charles Rocket references his F-bomb from the last episode, by asking “Did you say puck?” in response to Joe Piscopo’s report.

Transcript

“Cut Flowers”Summary: In a film by Mary Pat Kelly, an indecisive man (Brian Doyle-Murray) visits a florist (Bill Murray).

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No Sex With MarySummary: To avoid starting a scandal, Mary Cunningham’s (Gail Matthius) new co-executives insist that they’re not sleeping with her.

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What’s The Cat’s Name?Summary: Ron (Matthew Laurance) house guests (Bill Murray, Ann Risley) try in vain to remember the name of his cat.

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Delbert McClinton and Bonnie Bramlett perform “Shotgun Rider”

Bubba’s Wash, Fayetta’s DrySummary: Bubba (Bill Murray) and Fayetta (Denny Dillon) are forced to share their laundromat after their divorce.

Transcript

GoodnightsTranscript

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