Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 6: Episode 12
[ open on title card, as routine florist activity takes place in the background — florists wrap flowers in paper, carry pots in from the back room, etc. ] [ meanwhile, a Customer window-gazes outside in the snow before deciding to come inside ]
Florist: Good morning. What can we do for you?
Customer: I’m looking for something, uh, special.
Florist: Something special? Uh, what — like a mink coat? Something like that, or have you considered flowers this morning?
Customer: Something, uh — something unusual, perhaps. Uh, out of the ordinary. Not your run of the mill.
Florist: Well, we’ve got some Washington State daffodils this morning. These are very fresh, picked them off myself.
Customer: Mmm-hmm, no.
Florist: California iris.
Florist: California tiger lilies?
Florist: I got — what do you want, spiders? I got glads. I got carnations. Miniature carnations.
Customer: No, I’m looking for something more unusual.
Customer: Mmm-hmm. Could you show me something?
Florist: Sure. What, are you going to a funeral or something? You’re kind of sad this morning. You’re depressing me!
Customer: No, no. I just want something kind of special, kind of unusual, something less pedestrian.
Florist: Less pedestrian? You come in off the street, you don’t want something pedestrian, huh? [ he chuckles ] Okay, come on. How about a bird of paradise? You know a bird of paradise?
Customer: Well, let’s see.[ the Florist holds up the flower ]
Florist: Bird of paradise. This isn’t unusual enough for you?[ the Customer sniffs the flower ]
Florist: [ he chuckles ] Alright. Well, I’m sorry, we’re gonna have to put you to bed. [ he holds up another flower ] White Pinocchios.
Customer: No, no. I’m looking for something a little more, uh… exotic.
Florist: [ thinking ] Exotic?
Customer: Exotic.[ cut to the two men in another part of the shop ]
Florist: You don’t have any allergies, do you?
Florist: [ acknowledging a row of flowers ] These are irises. I suppose you wouldn’t like any of this kind of stuff.
Florist: Heathers. This is pretty. Some people think it’s pretty.
Florist: These are nice glads. They’re fresh. I took ’em off myself.
Florist: Here — these are freshia. Try these. Get a whiff of these, get in there.
Customer: [ sniffing ] Mmm-hmm.
Florist: Ah, good? Now, try the yellow ones — those are really good!
Customer: I don’t — I don’t think —
Florist: Alright, over here. Try these mums. These are fragrant, these are really fragrant.[ cut to the Florist walking to the Customer to a door in the back ]
Florist: Alright. This should be it.[ the Florist disappears through the door, then re-emerges moments later with a bouquet ]
Florist: These are African daisies.
Customer: [ impressed ] Ohhhh… it’s beautiful! This is EXACTLY what I want!
Florist: [ picking a long stem ] Alright. How many would you like?
Customer: Just the one.
Florist: [ miffed ] Alright. Give me five bucks.[ the Customer hands over the money ]
Florist: Okay, you want me to wrap it?
Customer: No, I’ll eat it here.[ the Customer salts the petals, then shoves the flower into his mouth ]
Customer: Mmm![ the customer hands his salt shaker to the Florist and walks away ] [ confused, the Florist sniffs the petals of one of the petals and takes a bite of his own; he tries it with the salt, and continues eating as the credits roll ]