SNL Transcripts: Bill Murray: 03/07/81: Bill Murray’s Monologue


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 6: Episode 12

80l: Bill Murray / Delbert McClinton

Bill Murray’s Monologue

…Bill Murray
…Eddie Murphy

Don Pardo V/O: Ladies and Gentlemen — Bill Murray!

[Huge cheers and applause as Bill appears at home base via the elevator. He exits out of it and struts to the edge of the stage and does a kick jump and a dance to finish it off as the music ends.]

Bill Murray: [pointing to the band] How about that band?! Come on! Come on! More!

[After Bill gestures them, the band starts to play the theme music again as Bill jumps up and down while walking to the other side of the stage and hugs a support pole and jumps down below to the audience. He picks up a female audience member, drapes her over his head, and sets her back down on her chair. He jumps back onto the stage and continues dancing when Eddie Murphy shows up and cues the band to stop playing.]

Eddie Murphy: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! What the hell is…

Bill Murray: Eddie Murphy! Let’s here it for him! [stamps his feet on the stage as Eddie briefly smiles to the audience]

Eddie Murphy: What the hell are you doing? You’re supposed to be doing your monologue out here. You almost dropped this woman on her head, Bill!

Bill Murray: Well, I guess I got a little excited, huh? Well, what are you doing out here? Asking me what I’m doing, anyway?

Eddie Murphy: Well, you’re suppposed to be doing your monologue. This ain’t a band number. Do your thing!

Bill Murray: Oh, come on, Eddie. You know what we talked about. It’s just doesn’t matter, you know. I could go out here and say “Gee, these kids are great, golly! They got so much energy, and I don’t even know what’s gonna happen next!” Eddie, it just doesn’t matter. The important thing is that we’re working together.

Eddie Murphy: Yeah.

Bill Murray: Yeah, and that we’re BAD!

Eddie Murphy: Yeah.

Bill Murray: You’re bad!

Eddie Murphy: I’m bad.

Bill Murray: I’M bad!

Eddie Murphy: We’re both bad.

Bill Murray: I mean, that previous Black-White act, you know — or, should I say, that Pryor act — you know, they thought they were bad, or Wild or Wilder, if you will. They’re not as widl or bad as the Murray-Murphy combo! ‘Cause we’re BAD!

Eddie Murphy: Right, we bad!

Bill Murray: That’s right! In fact, we’re BADDER!

Eddie Murphy: Right! You mean we MORE bad!

Bill Murray: We’re MORE bad! We are the WORST, my man! Give me five, come on!

[ Eddie low-fives Bill ]

Eddie Murphy: We’re TERRIBLE! Give me fifteen!

[ Eddie low-fives both hands and raises one foot ]

Bill Murray: We are NAUSEATING! Now, give me some of that long sole, my man!

[ Bill turns around, raises one foot and holds out his hand, which Eddie high-fives downward to Bill’s foot ]

Bill Murray: Come on! Gvie me the PINK side now! [ Bill holds out his hand ]

Eddie Murphy: We gonna have to work on that one!

Bill Murray: And we’re both Irish, too! That’s so great!

Eddie Murphy: Yeah.

Bill Murray: Yeah, Murray and Murphy, the Irish duo. An Irish Jig, let’s do it man. [Bill does a dance move]

Eddie Murphy: [rather offended and pointing at Bill] Now, that’s bad AND dangerous, so watch yourself.

Bill Murray: Come on, man, I’m only kidding. We’re a team. We’re just like salt and pepper. [slaps hands with Eddie]

Eddie Murphy: Pepper and salt!

Bill Murray: Come on! Paprika and cinnamon!

Eddie Murphy: Hartman, Oprah!

Bill Murray: Yeah, Belushi and Aykroyd. [slaps hands again]

Eddie Murphy: That’s bad!

Bill Murray: That’s bad! We’ll be right back, man!

Eddie Murphy: Yeah!

[Cheers and applause as Bill and Eddie continue to give each other high fives including a jumping one as the screen fades.]

Submitted by Kyleman88

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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