SNL Transcripts: 10/03/81: Michael Davis


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 7: Episode 1

81a: (none) / Rod Stewart

Michael Davis

…..Eddie Murphy
…..Michael Davis

Eddie Murphy: Here, direct from Broadway’s “Sugar Babies”, is Michael Davis, the untapped source of dynamic energy. Let’s hear it for Michael! Michael Davis!

[ the audience applauds, as the meekish juggler steps out carrying his bag of props ]

Michael Davis: Hello, I’m Michael Davis!

Audience Member: Yeah!

Michael Davis: Thank you. There’s an old show business expression: A comic is a person who says funny things; A comedian says things funny.” That makes me a juggler. DEvery performer has to find his own way to establish rapport with the audience. [ he pulls an object out of his pocket and holds it toward the audinece ] You want soem gum? [ he throws a couple of sticks into the audience ] Don’t be shy.

I have my own personal philosophy about the art of juggling. [ he grabs a single ball and tosses it through the air ] I don’t think it’s important how many you juggle… as long as you’ve mastered it. The important thing is style. [ he tosses the ball high into the air, then bends down to one knee to catch it flamboyantly ] People don’t take you seriously if you only have one ball. That’s why… [ he pulls a large knife out of his bag ] I’m going to attempt… to juggle… this.

[ he drops the large knife to the floor, then reveals a floppy rubber knife in his other hand. The audience applauds as he flips the knife in his hand, then comically tries to swallow it ]

Don’t give it away, if you can tell. This is a joke. [ he picks up the large knife ] No joke. Razor sharp. [ he flicks a finger against the blade ] Ping! [ he holds the knife withtwo hands, then jumps over it ] Hi-ya! [ he jumps again and swings the knife around ]

[ he casually picks up an axe in his other hand, then performs a double-take at the sight of it ]

[ he uses the knife to pound the head of the axe against the handle ]

I want to make sure that doesn’t fly off again. [ the audience laughs ] I hate it when that happens. This is an antique; it belonged to George Washington. I had to replace the handle… and the head. But it occipies the same space… intrinsically. George the axe. [ he holds up the knife ] Mack the knife! [ he bends down and picks up a cleaver ] Beaver the cleaver! [ the audience cheers and applauds ]

I’m going to attempt… to juggle these three razor-sharp implements… [ he begins to swing all three back and forth ] simply for the amusement… of the people in the back. Don’t be afraid. I’ve done this… [ he thinks about it ] twice. All it takes is intense concen– [ he fumbles the axe and lets it slam into his genitals ] Oh! Sorry, I broke the tension. The tension was building. I think I’m the only one who felt it. [ the audience laughs ] It’s very important to have… dramatic effect.

[ he drops the various blades to the ground, then takes out a hot dog and begins to whip it toward the cleaver, making slices of hot dog ]

Razor sharp!

[ he repeats this process with the large knife ]

[ he then flings the hot dog at the axe ]

[ he returns all the blades to the floor, then begins to flip them over one another at ground-level ]

The red one wins!

[ he picks up the large knife in one hand and the cleaver in the other hand, and tries to lift the axe with his foot ]

Sometimes I have a problem getting this started. I have to kick the axe up into the air. Throw the knife! Throw the cleaver! Run like hell! Here we — here we go, here we go, herewego…

[ he sets this chain in motion and begins to juddle the three sharp instruments to great applause ]

Thank you! Thank you very much! Thank you! Thank you very much! You’re too kind! Thank you. Thank you very much. Stopping is a problem. [ he takes a step closer to the audience ] If I could have you grab one of these for me… I don’t care which one. [ he waits ] Oh, you don’t want to get involved? You must be from New York. You’re waiting for danger! [ he juggles the blades around his lifted leg ] DANGER! [ he lifts another leg across ] Warning! [ he juggles the blades behind his back ] Whoo-woo-whoo!

[ the audience applauds wildly ]

Okay! I’ll show you a trick I’m working on — juggling with my eyes closed. Something I’m working on. [ he blinks his eyes rapidly, never keeping them closed for more than a fraction of a second at a time ]

[ finally, he tosses the blades high into the air and catches them one, two, three ]

[ the audience applauds wildly, as he drops the blades and bows ]

Thank you.

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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