Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 7: Episode 2
McDonald & Wife
Ronald McDonald…Joe Piscopo
Sally…Susan Saint James
[“McDONALD & WIFE” title shown over theme music. Dissolve to Ronald McDonald in bed with Sally, whose head is bobbing up and down under the covers]
Sally: I can’t find it! I can’t find it! I can’t find it! [Comes out from under the covers]
Ronald McDonald: Aw, come on, honey!
Sally: The gun, honey. If we could just find the gun, then we’d know [begins kissing Ronald] who the killer is.
Ronald McDonald: Oh, Sally, don’t worry about it! [Rolls over while embracing Sally] In fact, don’t worry about a thing! [They kiss passionately] Bigger breasts!
Sally: Oh, Mac!
Ronald McDonald: No no, not yours, Sally, McMarilyn’s breasts. [Rolls over and lays on his back in bed] Did you notice them at the party tonight?
Sally: I wasn’t looking at McMarilyn’s breasts.
Ronald McDonald: Yeah, they were huge. They were like a pair of McMelons, I’m telling you. You know, I bet you she’s hiding something in there.
Sally: Oh, Mac, you’re so smart! [Moves in to kiss him] You always come up with the clues! [Both chuckle] It fell. [Ronald becomes sad] Oh, I mean McMildred’s souffle fell. [They kiss] Have you ever known one of McMildred’s souffles to fall? [kiss] That means that when the murderer [kiss] went upstairs [kiss] and shot your mother [kiss] that the s–when the body hit the ground [kiss] the souffle fell [kiss] and McMildred didn’t serve it! [kiss] That means the gun is in the souffle! [kiss]
Ronald McDonald: And the murderer is [kiss]
Sally: [Starts to get out of bed] Oh, I’m going to go tell McEnright.
Ronald McDonald: [Stops her] Uh, McLater.[She climbs back into bed and begins making out with Ronald]
Sally: All right![Fade to “McNeil/Lehrer & Wife” graphic]
Announcer: Join us next week for “McNeil/Lehrer & Wife”!
Submitted by: John Ravetti