SNL Transcripts: Susan St. James: 10/10/81: McDonald & Wife


Saturday Night Live Transcripts

Season 7: Episode 2

81b: Susan St. James / The Kinks

McDonald & Wife

Ronald McDonald…Joe Piscopo
Sally…Susan Saint James

[“McDONALD & WIFE” title shown over theme music. Dissolve to Ronald McDonald in bed with Sally, whose head is bobbing up and down under the covers]

Sally: I can’t find it! I can’t find it! I can’t find it! [Comes out from under the covers]

Ronald McDonald: Aw, come on, honey!

Sally: The gun, honey. If we could just find the gun, then we’d know [begins kissing Ronald] who the killer is.

Ronald McDonald: Oh, Sally, don’t worry about it! [Rolls over while embracing Sally] In fact, don’t worry about a thing! [They kiss passionately] Bigger breasts!

Sally: Oh, Mac!

Ronald McDonald: No no, not yours, Sally, McMarilyn’s breasts. [Rolls over and lays on his back in bed] Did you notice them at the party tonight?

Sally: I wasn’t looking at McMarilyn’s breasts.

Ronald McDonald: Yeah, they were huge. They were like a pair of McMelons, I’m telling you. You know, I bet you she’s hiding something in there.

Sally: Oh, Mac, you’re so smart! [Moves in to kiss him] You always come up with the clues! [Both chuckle] It fell. [Ronald becomes sad] Oh, I mean McMildred’s souffle fell. [They kiss] Have you ever known one of McMildred’s souffles to fall? [kiss] That means that when the murderer [kiss] went upstairs [kiss] and shot your mother [kiss] that the s–when the body hit the ground [kiss] the souffle fell [kiss] and McMildred didn’t serve it! [kiss] That means the gun is in the souffle! [kiss]

Ronald McDonald: And the murderer is [kiss]

Both: McMildred!

Sally: [Starts to get out of bed] Oh, I’m going to go tell McEnright.

Ronald McDonald: [Stops her] Uh, McLater.

[She climbs back into bed and begins making out with Ronald]

Sally: All right!

[Fade to “McNeil/Lehrer & Wife” graphic]

Announcer: Join us next week for “McNeil/Lehrer & Wife”!

Submitted by: John Ravetti

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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