SNL Transcripts: George Kennedy: 10/17/81


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 7: Episode 3

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Guest Writer:

October 17th, 1981

George Kennedy

Miles Davis

Harry Anderson

Ron Howard

Regis Philbin

John Candy

Marilyn Suzanne Miller
Control Room ’81Summary: When cameras start cutting out during a “To Tell The Truth” sketch, George Kennedy puts himself in Joe Patroni-mode to take over the control room and keep the broadcast on air.



George Kennedy’s MonologueSummary: George Kennedy is ready to redline tonight’s broadcast.


Mister Robinson’s NeighborhoodSummary: Mister Robinson (Eddie Murphy) receives an eviction notice from Mr. Landlord (Tim Kazurisnky), then travels to the Magical Land of Make-Believe to ask President Ronald Reagan where his money went.

Recurring Characters: Mister Robinson, Mr. Landlord.


53 at Studio 54Summary: After discovering he’s not on Studio 54’s guest list, old-timer George Kennedy sings that it’s no fun to be “53 at Studio 54”.


A Few Minutes With Andy RooneySummary Jones: Andy Rooney (Joe Piscopo) grouses about chocolates and his nagging wife (Christine Ebersole), who registers a few grumpisms of her own.

Recurring Characters: Andy Rooney.


Velvet Jones School of TechnologySummary: Entrepreneur Velvet Jones (Eddie Murphy) pimps his new book: “I Wanna Be A Ho”.

Recurring Characters: Velvet Jones.


Harry AndersonSummary: Comic-magician Harry Anderson tears and repairs an audience member’s $5 bill, then reveals the varied mechanisms that helped him pull off the illusion.

Mr. Bill Goes to L.A.Summary: In a film by Walter Williams, Mr. Bill’s sojourn in Los Angeles is interrupted by a cocaine bust that costs him his mansion, as well as an earthquake that swallows him whole.

Spray-On LaetrilSummary: Gwen (Christine Ebersole) shows Peggy (Mary Gross) how to clear up her unsightly lung cancer with a few easy sprays from the pump.


SNL Newsbreak with Brian Doyle-MurraySummary: Eddie Murphy declares that no person is too ugly to have sex with. Juan Gavino (John Candy) gives the Mexican weather report.

La Cage Aux Folles ’81

Up & At ‘Em

Rubik’s Teeth

Miles Davis performs “Jean Pierre”

Jake the Hired Hand

An Editorial ReplySummary: Marilyn Monroe (Mary Gross) sings “Downers Are A Girl’s Best Friend.”

Recurring Characters: Marilyn Monroe.


Tuna Melts & TypingSummary: Janitor (George Kennedy) and secretary (Christine Ebersole) discuss her engagement and chat about nostalgic music while eating late night tuna fish sandwiches.



SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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