SNL Transcripts: George Kennedy: 10/17/81: Mister Robinson’s Neighborhood


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 7: Episode 3

81c: George Kennedy / Miles Davis

Mister Robinson’s Neighborhood

Mr. Robinson…..Eddie Murphy
Mr. Landlord…..Tim Kazurinsky

[ open on toy model of a housing project, with SUPER: “MISTER ROBINSON’S NEIGHBORHOOD”, as police sirens sound ] [ dissolve to interior, apartment, as Mr. Robinson enters ]

Mr. Robinson: [ singing ]“It’s… one… hell of a day in the neighborhood
A hell of a day for a neighbor
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?
I hope I get to move in your neighborhood someday
The problem is: When I move in… y’all move away!
So… come out with some folks and a smoke
You bring the stash, ’cause Robinson’s broke!
Will you be mine?
Won’t you be mine?
Won’t you be my neighbor?”

[ he finishes changing into his sweater and shoes ]

Mr. Robinson: Hello, boys and girls! We all alone today. You know why? My wife walked out on me! Isn’t that nice? I’m so glad the bitch is gone! I hate —

[ the doorbell buzzes; chimes go off ] [ Mr. Robinson purses his lips ]

Mr. Robinson: Who could that be? Let’s see! [ he walks up the short flight of stairs and stands before the door ] This is how you answer a door in my neighborhood: WHO IS IT?!!

Muffled Voice: Mr. Robinson! Open the door! I heard you in there, I heard you singing! Open up! Come on!! [ he bangs on the door ] COME ON!!!

[ Mr. Robinson purses his lips and opens the door ]

Mr. Robinson: It’s Mr. Landlord! Hello, Mr. Landlord!

[ Mr. Landlord blows cigar smoke in Mr. Robinson’s face ]

Mr. Landlord: What the –? Cut the BULL, will ‘ya?! You’re rent’s SIX MONTHS overdue! [ he shoves paperwork in Mr. Robinson’s chest ] A summons!

[ Mr. Landlord leaves ]

Mr. Robinson: Ohhhh, look! An eviction notice! Brought by Mr. Landlord! [ he slams his door ] Can you say “Scumbucket”? THat’s our special word for today, boys and girls! [ he points out the word on his easel ] Do you know any scumbuckets? I bet you do! You know, I did have the money to pay this rent… and then all of a sudden it mysteriously disappeared! And then my wife showed up with a new dress on. Want to see that dress now, boys and girls? [ he holds up the dress ] See the footprint on it? I ain’t take it off when I do that, neither! You know what we gonna do? Visit the President, and find out why I’m so po’! Who wants to go to the Magical Land of Make-Believe? Would you like that? We gonna visit the President!

[ dissolve to puppet playhouse ]

Mr. Robinson V/O: Who wants to visit the President?

[ Mr. Robinson raises his hand, covered with black cottonball-tipped fingers, from behind the curtain ]

Ghetto Family V/O: We want to talk to the President! We would like to speak with the president! Where is he? The President’s always late! He ain’t never on time!

[ Mr. Robinson raises his other hand, holding a lop-sided President Ronald Reagan doll, from behind the curtain ]

President Ronald Reagan V/O: Here I am! My neck is hurtin’, though. How you doin’? I’m the President! What’s the problem?

Ghetto Family V/O: Say, Mr. President! How come you cut off my relief funding, and I got evicted from my house?! And how come I sound like Geraldine?!

President Ronald Reagan V/O: Well, I can’t do anything to help you with that, my friend!

Ghetto Family V/O: Mr. President! Mr. President, I have a question! Uh — how come you don’t sell one of them planes, you know, so I could have a full lunch?!

President Ronald Reagan V/O: I’m sorry, uh… I can’t answer that question, neither!

Ghetto Family V/O: But, Mr. President! [ Mr. Robinson lowers the four outer fingers and leaves only his middle finger pointing upward ] I think I speak for ALL Black people! Mr. President!

President Ronald Reagan V/O: I don’t have no more time for no more questions! Sorry!

[ both hands dissppear behind the curtain ] [ cut to a side shot, as Mr. Robinson smiles from behind the puppet playhouse ]

Mr. Robinson: Well… I have to go now, boys and girls. So, bye bye! [ singing ] “A very happy tomorrow to you!” [ he throws down the Reagan puppet ] [ dissolve to the prop exterior of Mr. Robinson’s building ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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